


Unwanted Thoughts

by ViciousVenin



Series: Unwanted Thoughts [1]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Gerard Way, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hotel Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Rimming, Slow Build, Top Frank Iero, Touring, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:58:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViciousVenin/pseuds/ViciousVenin
Summary: It's Revenge Era, it's a summer tour, and it's hot as hell.After the air-conditioning on the tour bus breaks down the guys start stripping off all their clothes as soon as they get back for the night. And on one night in particular, Frank takes notice of Gerard in a way he never has before.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is probably entirely historically inaccurate with regards to the summer tours that happened during the Revenge era and when/how Gerard started drawing concept art for TBP but whatever. It's my story and I'll mess it up if I want to. Also there's no drugs and minimal alcohol use. Everyone is happy and nothing is bad.
> 
> I'm hoping to make this a pretty slow burn so buckle up. I have about 10k words so far and I'm just getting started. Hoping to update every few days if possible, if I can keep up with the writing.
> 
> Sorry if it seems like Bob comes off like an asshole. Tbh I don't really like him as a person so it's hard for me to write him in any other way. :/
> 
> Rated explicit for future chapters. Probably will get sexy around chapter 3.

It started one night after a show in Cincinnati or some other city in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. It was hot as hell in the mid-summer, middle-of-America heat and the guys had been trying to wear only enough clothes to be decent as often as possible. The most any of them were clothed was on stage which fucking sucked because with the lights and the heat and the sweating your fucking brains out made it a real struggle to not hate doing shows. They were all having a rough time with it, just as they did every summer tour. To make it even worse, the air-conditioning in their bus had gone out just two weeks after hitting the road. To cope, the guys would strip as soon as they got back to the back to the bus before they had to drag clothes on again a few hours later to go to some meet and greet or interview or whatever, but they still never wore as much as they did on stage. Seriously, who decided long sleeve, collared shirts were a good idea for playing a fucking summer tour?

  
So the five of them got back to the bus from their show and started to peel off one sweaty piece of clothing after another. And on this particular night, Frank just happened to glance around. Big mistake. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen the other guys naked before. It was pretty difficult to avoid on tour even when the weather wasn’t so ridiculous. But on this night for some reason Frank’s wires got a little crossed and the sexy on-stage relationship he had with a certain lead singer and the perfectly platonic one they had off-stage melted together for a second while Frank watched open-mouthed as Gerard pulled off his sweaty clothing.  _Fucking hell, he's hot_ , was all Frank could think.

  
“I’m gonna go crash on the couch and cover myself in beers from the cooler,” Ray said, startling Frank out of his perverted reverie. He quickly looked away and thanked God that it seemed no one had noticed his staring.

  
“Sounds good. I’ll probably join you in a sec,” Bob said. Soon the rest of the guys had left the bunk area for different parts of the bus and Frank was alone to ponder what the fuck was going on with him.

  
He finished taking off his stage clothes and laid down his bunk in only pair of black loose-fitting boxers and thought about what just happened. It wasn’t normal to think about your best friend that way, even if you _were_ crammed into a bus with very little clothing on most of the time. Frank liked guys, and so this wasn’t a completely out-of-the-blue experience where he had to reevaluate his entire sexuality, but it was weird. He had never thought about Gerard like that even once. Sure, Gerard was a good-looking dude, and certainly seemed to also be into guys, but they were _friends_ and what they had was _good_. So good that they could be physically intimate and it wasn’t weird at all. He didn’t want to lose that just because seeing Gerard strip had started some weird sexual awakening in him.

  
Frank closed his eyes and rubbed the heels of his palms against them. He got under the very light sheet he used as a blanket and rolled over so he was facing the wall. The sheet was almost more than he could stand in the heat, but he couldn’t sleep without some sort of blanket to cover him.

  
“It was just one second. One moment of lapsed judgement,” he told himself. He could move on from this and nothing would change.

  
“You okay, Frank?” said a voice below him, causing him to startle a little. He hadn’t heard Mikey come back from the lounge area.

  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Was just a rough show is all.” He wasn’t lying. The heat had really gotten to him during this one; another fucking outdoor arena. It was difficult for him to keep his game face on and ended up actually missing the cue to come back in during It’s Not a Fashion Statement while he was chugging water like his life depended on it. That was pretty fucking embarrassing, now that he thought about it.

  
He let his thoughts about the show crowd out what he had been thinking about Gerard and eventually drifted off to sleep.

~

Frank was rudely awakened the next morning by someone pulling back the curtain on his bunk and smacking him over the head.

  
“What the fuck!” Frank exclaimed while trying to sit up and hold the side of his head at the same time. He heard laughter and saw the back of Bob’s blond head moving away from his bunk.

  
“Get up, Iero. We’ve got an interview in 20,” he called over his shoulder.

  
“Fuck,” Frank said quietly to himself. He sat in bed for a few seconds longer, dragging himself out of the grog of having just woken up and waiting until the pain in his head subsided. He checked that Mikey was already up before swinging his legs over the side of his bunk and hopping down. He fished around in his drawer for clean clothes (of which there were not many left) and begrudgingly pulled on a shirt and jeans.

  
Frank moved towards the front of the bus, sliding on his Vans as he went. “Do I have time to, like, brush my teeth and shit?” he asked Ray when he saw him.

  
“Brush your teeth, yeah. Shitting I’m not so sure about seeing as you take so fucking long.” Ray finished and doubled over laughing.

“Ha, ha, dude,” Frank said. Ray kept on laughing hysterically. “Okay, man, for real, it wasn’t that funny. Are you still drunk from all those beers you poured on yourself last night?”

  
Ray pulled himself back up to sitting position, wiping a few tears from his face. “Ha, yeah maybe. Who the fuck knows,” he said, still giggling a little.

  
Frank shook his head and moved towards the bathroom. When he pulled the door open he did not expect to see what was waiting for him behind it. Gerard was leaned against the small countertop, one hand braced next to the sink, the other carefully applying eyeliner. His legs were bent at an angle that thrust his ass out so far it could not have been comfortable, but Frank couldn’t stop staring at the way Gerard’s rump was defined by jeans so skinny they looked like they were painted on.

  
“Need something, Frankie?” Gerard asked, not looking away from the mirror.

  
Frank’s breath hitched at the use of the nickname and his eyes snapped up to Gerard’s face which, to be honest, wasn’t much better. Gerard looked so fucking hot in makeup. _What the ever-living fuck is wrong with me?_ Frank thought to himself.

  
He shook his head trying to clear these ridiculous thoughts from his mind. “Uh, yeah. Just gotta brush my teeth.” Frank pushed into the bathroom and nudged Gerard over after he was sure the eyeliner brush was far enough from Gerard’s face that he wouldn’t poke himself in the eye with it. Still, Gerard looked up at him and glared unnecessarily harshly. Frank just stared back. _He’s sexy when he does that fake-angry thing,_ he thought before following up with internally yelling _Shut the fuck up!_ and swiftly grabbing his toothbrush from beside the sink. He squeezed toothpaste onto it too roughly and ended up getting way too much, but he couldn’t pretend like anything was wrong with Gerard right there so he just ran some water over the brush and shoved it in his mouth, scrubbing vigorously so that he could get the fuck out of there.

  
Frank spat into the sink, being careful not to hit Gerard, and left the bathroom, exhaling all the air he had been holding in as he crossed the threshold. He needed to start forgetting about this shit right the fuck now if he was going to get through the rest of the day without making a fool of himself. Hell, they still had _months_ left on this tour, which would quickly become more torturous than it already was if his brain didn’t cut it the fuck out. He took some deep breaths to calm himself down while none of the guys were looking. When Gerard finally finished getting ready and came to join them at the front of the bus, Frank tried his best not to look at him and struck up a conversation with Ray about an issue he’d been having with his guitar to distract himself.

  
The van ride and the interview were pretty much uneventful. Gerard sat two rows ahead of him, where Frank couldn’t even see him properly, though he did try to get a good look at Gerard in his finished makeup which he instantly regretted. The interview went like most of them do. Gerard answered 90% of the questions, Frank and Ray each got a few and Mikey and Bob both tried their best to fade into the wall behind them. He managed to not look at Gerard throughout the whole thing as they were seated on opposite ends of the couch, but he did listen intently to Gerard’s answers. He did this in every interview, as he really did love listening to Gerard talk about whatever the fuck he was interested in at that moment, but this was different. Frank held on to every word and started mini conversations in his head where he responded and Gerard went off on some ridiculous tangent and then they both started laughing their asses off and ended up holding on to each other so they didn’t go careening off the couch and onto the floor.

  
They hadn’t had a conversation like that in a while. A long while. They hadn’t had a day off in _forever_ let alone a hotel night where they could actually be comfortable and just hang out. Frank realized at that moment that he was dying for a little break. He loved touring, he really did, but the heat and the constant going without a second to stop and breathe and now these thoughts he’d been having… it was too much. He needed a day off or two and a nice, comfy bed in an air-conditioned room. He spent the entire ride back to the tour bus thinking about being able to sleep somewhere it wasn’t 400 degrees.

  
Frank was still caught up in this blissful thought when the guys boarded the bus and headed to their respective areas. They had a few hours until they had to get ready for soundcheck and each of them liked to spend their down time in different ways. Ray liked to practice his part and maybe write some new ones, Bob liked to stalk around and grumble about whatever he hated at that moment, Mikey and Gerard both liked to read but Gerard preferred comic books while Mikey mostly read novels, and Frank liked to nap.

  
Frank decided to do just that and headed back to the bunks. He had stripped off most of his clothes, climbed up into his bunk and pulled the curtains closed when a hand swiftly slid them open again.

  
“Hey, Frank, could you look at something for me?” Gerard asked him. Their faces were much too close for comfort and Frank quickly pulled back. Gerard actually seemed a little embarrassed, too, and stepped back from Frank’s bunk.

  
“Uhh, sure. What is it?” Frank asked, sitting up and sliding his legs over the edge.

  
“Just some stuff I’ve been drawing. Maybe a new aesthetic for the band, I dunno.” Gerard looked up hopefully at Frank. “I wanted to show it to you first.” He slid his sketchbook into Frank’s lap, which Frank was very conscious of as he was only wearing boxers, and flipped through a few pages of random stuff before he found what he was looking for. Franks eyes moved across the page. It showed five guys in some sort of marching band get-up, but all black. There was also a woman in a big, tented skirt and a gas mask and a dirigible in the upper right corner with the words “The Black Parade” written on it.

  
Frank stared at the page for a few more seconds, just taking it all in. Gerard had obviously worked really hard on this before showing it to Frank; all the drawings were completed in full color and he had even drawn some framing around the edges. Frank opened his mouth to say something but Gerard cut him off.

  
“I know it kinda looks like a shitshow right now and it’s fucking weird shit but I really think it fits with some of the stuff I’ve been writing recently and it just feels _right_ , ya know?” Gerard said all in one breath.

  
Frank looked back at him with his mouth still hanging open. “Dude,” he said, “this shit is fucking incredible.” Gerard’s face lit up. “It’s fucking genius! I’m serious, this is game-changer, man.” Gerard’s radiant smile was just too much for Frank and he broke out in a grin, too.

  
“Thanks, Frankie. That means so much, you don’t even know.”

  
“Don’t mention it,” Frank said, his breath catching again when he heard Gerard’s nickname for him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard it tons of times before, but now it felt different, especially with Gerard. Usually it was his mother using it, or one of the guys when they wanted to make fun of him. Gerard was the only one who used it sincerely, like he wanted to make Frank feel like he was special. And it was fucking working.

  
Gerard thanked him again and then went to go draw some more. Frank was finally free to take his nap, but now he didn’t even want to. His conversation with Gerard had energized him, not to mention the new direction his art might take the band. It was exciting as hell. Frank laid back down in his bunk and just stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, smiling. Slowly, his smile faded. That moment with Gerard had made him realize that the two of them had had hardly any time together recently and he was dying for a movie night or a few hours of just talking about something stupid or _anything_ where he and Gerard could be alone and be themselves for a while. Then Frank remembered that time alone with Gerard was something he was sort of trying to avoid at the moment and his smile was gone completely. Suddenly angry, he kicked the wall and pulled the sheet up to his neck. It was way too hot but he didn’t care. He deserved to feel like shit. He wanted so badly to hang out with Gerard but he knew as soon as they were alone together – or even when they weren’t – Frank’s brain was going to start acting weird again. He couldn’t win.

  
He sighed and closed his eyes and tried to think about anything but Gerard. He succeeded, kinda, and ended up getting a few hours of sleep before being awoken by Ray telling him it was time for soundcheck. He was grateful it was Ray this time and not Bob as Ray was much gentler at waking people up and also just as a person in general. Frank dragged himself up to sitting position yet again and tried to shake the sleep out of his head. He’d been having a really nice dream that he couldn’t quite remember but he was pretty sure it involved cuddling with someone with pitch black hair and bright green eyes.

  
Frank’s head snapped up. _Fuck_ he thought, _this_ cannot _be happening_. He groaned as he pushed himself off the bunk. _At least it was innocent,_ he thought and hoped his dreams would stay that way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have no idea how concerts work and how long the break between soundcheck and the show actually is. Just pretend it's like 3 hours or something if that's inaccurate. 
> 
> I might be remembering wrong but I feel like I read somewhere that Frank used to go hang out with people in line outside the venue while in disguise because he would get really nervous before shows? Tbh it might have been someone from a different band because I couldn't find anything about anyone from mcr doing that when I searched for it. But in this universe that's how Frank tries to calm his jitters.

They finished soundcheck, which was mostly boring, and Brian handed Subway sandwiches to each of the guys.

“Thanks,” Frank said when he was given one marked “veg.”

“No problem,” Brian said. “Hey, I’ve got something for you.” He turned around and dug something out of the bag behind him. When he stood back up he handed Frank a green mask. “Frank-enstein. Get it?”

“Ha, yeah. Thanks, man. I needed a new disguise,” Frank said, sliding the mask over his head and making some creepy noises at Brian before going on his way.

Frank headed out of the building with the mask still on and circled around to the front where people were already lining up. He joined the line at the back, pretending to just be a regular concert goer. The heat was fucking killing him, especially in the mask, but this was the only way he could pass the time before a show without his nerves getting to him.

“Hey, nice mask,” the girl in front of him said.

“Thanks. Nice tattoo.” Frank pointed to the dagger on her arm.

“Thanks.” There was a pause, and then she said, “So who’s your favorite?”

“Of the guys? Uhh…” He had no idea how to answer this question, though he should have seen it coming. He couldn’t say himself, that would be too easy. He figured he might as well just tell the truth. “Gerard.”

“Classic.” She nodded. “I love him too, but Frank is probably my favorite if I had to choose.”

“Really?” Frank said, truly surprised that anyone would pick him over Gerard. “What’s so great about him?” he asked, feeling kind of ashamed for being so vain, but he was curious.

“Oh, I dunno. He just seems like a cool guy. Really… _real_ , ya know? The other guys, especially Gerard, they just seem like they’re probably completely different people off-stage. But Frank is totally genuine. The guy on stage is the same guy I’d like to just kick back and have a conversation with or whatever.”

“Yeah, I get that. They’re definitely different people when they’re performing,” he said and then he was thinking about how Gerard was equally as dramatic in both contexts, just in different ways. But it was true Gerard took on a different personality on stage and then shed it when they finished, particularly in that he was very flirty with Frank while they were performing and never when they weren’t. Frank was thinking about some of the things Gerard had done to him while they were on stage when he realized the girl was staring at him. “What?” he asked.

“You said… you said they’re different when they’re performing. Like you know how they act off-stage.”

“Oh! Uh, I just meant, like, they _have_ to be. Ya know?” Frank fumbled for words. The girl did not look at all convinced. “Hey, uhh, I’m gonna go try to find some water. It’s hot as fuck out here. You don’t have to save my spot.”

“Are you kidding? The line’s grown by, like, 200 people since you got here!”

“It’s okay, really. I’ll be fine.” He left as quickly as he could without looking like a total nervous wreck.

~

After deciding that talking to fans in disguise was not going to cut it in the relaxing department, Frank returned to the bus hoping to find something to fill his time there. He took the mask off as soon as he climbed into the bus and headed straight for the bunk area. He threw the mask in the drawer below his bunk and started peeling off clothes, just like he did every time he returned to the bus nowadays, and threw them in the drawer as well. He was about to climb up into bed, clad only in a blue pair of boxers that were a little too tight, when he heard a curtain open behind him.

Frank froze. He could feel eyes boring into back from the bunk directly across from his. Gerard’s bunk.

“What are you doing here?” Gerard said sleepily, “You’re never on the bus before shows.”

Frank slowly turned around to look at Gerard, his face coming up to the same level as Gerard’s where he lay in his bunk. _He looks so fucking cute when he’s sleepy_. The thought slipped into his mind before he could stop it and Frank silently chastised himself for it. “I almost blew my cover with a fan and got out of there fast. It was pretty embarrassing, really.

“You must have been pretty distracted to make a mistake like that,” Gerard said as he rubbed his face. “Something on your mind, Frankie?”

Frank’s heart sped up. He could not catch a fucking break. “Uhh, yeah. I guess I’ve been a little more stressed than usual.” He took a step towards Gerard’s bunk. He knew it was a mistake to get any closer to Gerard but he couldn’t help himself.

“Tell me about it, babe.” Gerard moved until he was facing Frank directly and rested his chin down in the mattress so only his eyes were visible from Frank’s angle.

Frank took another step forward and found that he was out of room. He stared back at Gerard, their eyes just a few inches away now. ‘ _Babe,’ Jesus fucking Christ_ , Frank thought. “I’ve just been sorta lonely. Tour’s hard. No time alone, no time to just hang out.” He held Gerard’s gaze. “It’s like I’m stuck in a limbo where I can’t figure out what would make me feel better, relaxing with other people or just being by myself.”

Gerard nodded. “I know exactly what you mean,” his voice was muffled by the mattress but Frank was intent on hearing every word out of Gerard’s mouth. “Maybe I’ll ask Brian if we have a hotel night coming up. I feel like we might. Then you can do what you want; just relax with some privacy, or hang out with everybody… hang out with me, maybe,” Gerard finished slowly and dropped his gaze.

Frank thought that was incredibly unusual. Gerard wasn’t one to be bashful, and he was never uncomfortable enough with Frank to break eye contact. _Maybe he’s missing hanging out with me as much as I am with him_ , he thought.

“I’m sorry we haven’t had any time to just be friends in forever. We’ll find time to chill soon.” Frank tentatively reached out and patted Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard looked at him again and smiled. “Now go back to sleep. We’ve got a show in, like, an hour or something.” Frank smiled back at him.

Frank reluctantly removed his hand from Gerard’s body and started climbing into bed again. And, again, he was interrupted.

“Frankie?”

Frank was really never going to get used to how that sounded coming from Gerard. He turned around to look at him. “Yeah?”

“Um, just… thanks. Thanks for promising to hang out with me,” Gerard said. He actually looked to be _blushing_ if Frank wasn’t mistaken.

“Yeah, of course.”

~

The show started without a hitch, which was honestly kind of abnormal. There always seemed to be a mic that had broken since soundcheck or a bandmate that was nowhere to be found. But for this show they were all there on time, equipment behaving properly, and Frank was actually having fun during a show for the first time in a while. It pained him to admit that it was hard to have fun while performing, because this was what he did for a living and it was what he had worked towards his entire life until now. But this tour had sucked, especially because of the towns in the middle of nowhere and the fucking oppressive heat. But he did appreciate the incredibly dedicated fans that came to these shows, many of them probably traveling hundreds of miles to see their favorite band, all in the aforementioned heat, which right now actually wasn’t so bad. The sun had finally set and the night was giving the arena a little bit of a chill, and Frank was feeling good. He was more energetic on stage than he had been in ages, which was both a blessing and curse because when he felt this amped up he usually ended up hurting someone and that someone was generally either himself or Gerard.

Frank was so into his part in I’m Not Okay that he didn’t even notice what was going on around him. He was leaned back, eyes closed, playing his fucking heart out, when he felt someone rub up behind him and place a hand on the side of his thigh. His eyes flew wide open as realization dawned on him. Gerard was grinding on him. On stage. In front of thousands of people. This was fucking ridiculous.

Frank didn’t know how to react so he kind of just stayed still and let Gerard grind on him and somehow managed to play his part right. Gerard ran his hand down Frank’s leg and back up, which was rewarded by more screaming from the crowd. He slipped his hand into Frank’s back pocket, which Frank knew was not for the benefit of the audience because they couldn’t see, and then he squeezed, just a little, but it was enough to make Frank almost keel over.

He couldn’t image what would possess Gerard to do something like that. Sure, they flirted on stage or whatever. Gerard flirted with everyone on stage. The fans loved it. But he’d never done anything in that vein purely for the benefit of one of the guys. That wasn’t to say Frank didn’t like it, because he did, it just complicated things a whole fucking lot.

Frank spent most of the remainder of the show replaying the event in his mind, going back and forth between it being a big deal that would change their relationship dynamic forever, or just a little harmless ass squeezing. He didn’t know what to make of it. One good thing that came out of all his thinking was that it absorbed all Frank’s energy and he didn’t do any wild stunts that left him in pain for days or anything like that.

They finished the show and Frank was still feeling dazed. He handed his guitar to a stage tech and followed the rest of the guys to the bus. They were all caught up in conversation with each other, not noticing that Frank was hanging back. Frank didn’t mind though. He didn’t know if he could carry on a conversation about anything other than Gerard squeezing his fucking asscheek no matter how interesting the topic was.

The guys boarded the bus and walked towards the bunks. Horror struck Frank when he realized that everyone was about to start taking off their clothes again. Gerard was about to strip in front of Frank after performing a sexual gesture on stage that had no clear intent. Frank quickly made a beeline for the bathroom and locked himself inside. He put the toilet lid down and sat on top of it, covering his face in his hands. He just had to wait it out until everyone was in bed or doing whatever they did after shows. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with seeing Gerard almost naked in any context, but seeing him undress was definitely not something Frank could handle right now.

Frank sat there with his hands in his hair for a few more minutes until he heard a knock on the door.

“Frank? You in there? I need in,” Gerard said from outside the bathroom.

 _Fuck_. “Yeah! It’s me. Just a minute,” Frank called back. _Shit, shit, shit, shit!_ He was starting to freak out. Gerard was waiting outside wearing probably very little clothing, wanting to come in, and they were most certainly going to have to touch each other to navigate the small bathroom.

Frank hopped up off the toilet, flushed it so that Gerard would think he was just finishing up the biggest dump in the world or something and not having a crisis, and quickly washed and dried his hands. He turned to face the door, exhaled slowly, and turned the nob.

 _Oh, fuck_ , he thought when he saw Gerard. He was still wearing his stage makeup, not having had access to the bathroom to take it off, but it was smeared with sweat which just seemed to make him hotter. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, which Frank was expecting, but Frank hadn’t appreciated Gerard’s naked upper body since these thoughts had started. Gerard’s arms had just a hint of definition as he stood with one of them scratching the back of his head. His chest and belly were incredibly smooth; his skin looked so wonderfully soft and Frank had no idea how he kept it so well moisturized while they were on the road. Gerard’s legs were just as smooth, but more muscular than his upper body, and Frank couldn’t help thinking about how nice it would be to run his hands over Gerard’s thighs. The worst of it, though, was that Gerard was wearing very small, very tight black briefs, and nothing else. They did not leave much to the imagination and Frank cursed himself for thinking so.

“So are you gonna let me in?” Gerard asked, snapping Frank out of his thoughts.

Frank felt his cheeks burn bright red. “Uhh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.” God, he was such a fucking idiot.

Gerard moved a little to allow Frank room to get by him. Frank sidled past him, trying his hardest to not make any contact, but he ended up bumping Gerard’s shoulder with his own and this caused Gerard to move his hand to cover it, which brushed against Frank’s chest as he did so. It immediately felt like Frank’s skin was burning in the place where Gerard had touched him, even if it had been through his shirt. He finally made it past Gerard and rushed to the bunk area where he stripped down to his underwear, which he changed because he was especially sweaty now, and then quickly climbed up into his bunk where he could replay everything that just happened.

He was seriously screwed. He couldn’t be around Gerard at all without getting lost in his words or his face or his body, and they were stuck on tour together on this stupid bus that was about 115 degrees for another two fucking months. Frank tried to relax and shut everything out, deciding to worry about it tomorrow. He shoved his earbuds in so he didn’t have to hear Mikey telling his mom everything that had happened to him in the last twelve hours or Bob and Ray popping bottles in the lounge. He was asleep before Gerard came back to the bunks, and didn’t see how Gerard pulled back the curtains on Frank’s bunk a little, to see if he was awake, and then watch him sleep peacefully when he wasn’t, just for a little bit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention earlier that Jamia is not in the picture. I don't want this to be like Frank is cheating on her, so just pretend Jamia doesn't exist/they never met/they broke up before this tour and he's totally moved on or something like that.
> 
> As expected, the first real bit of sexiness is below. And don't worry, there's more of that to come.
> 
> I'm going out of town this weekend so I may not be able to update as soon as I'd like. But chapter 4 will for sure be up by 6/25.

Frank jolted awake from a dream that had started out very nice and warm but turned dark and sinister somewhere in the middle. The details were rapidly slipping away from him and he decided it was best he let them go. He rubbed his eyes and tried to get used to being a participating member of reality again. He listened for any movement in the bus and realized that the only sounds were Bob’s snoring and the rush of the road underneath them. Frank pulled back the curtains and saw that the early morning light was only just starting to peek in through the windows. The chill of the day before the sun fully rose coaxed him out of bed. It was rare that he got to move around the bus without the heat pressing in on him or the rest of the guys creating a crowd in the small space they shared.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bunk, Frank quietly made his was down to the floor, taking care to actually use the rungs beside his bed instead of just jumping down like he usually did. He opened his clothes drawer painfully slowly, praying it wouldn’t squeak and ruin the perfect silence (minus the snoring) that enveloped the bus. Frank grabbed a mostly clean towel and quickly padded to the bathroom. He relaxed as he realized he would finally have some time to himself, maybe find enough quiet to hear himself think for a bit.

Frank pulled open the bathroom door, dropped the towel on the floor, shed his boxers and stepped into the shower. He initially set the water to cold because he hadn’t been able to stand anything else for weeks now, but in the cool morning he found he had to keep turning the temperature up until it was actually quite warm before he was comfortable. He had just washed the shampoo out of his hair when the bus bumped into something and the water faltered a bit, sending a shower of drops over his crotch. Frank looked down. _Oh._ He really had had next to zero time to himself for the majority of the tour, and unlike some of the guys, Frank wasn’t into jacking off in bed while the rest of them tried to sleep through the sounds of skin on skin in the bunks nearby. His body was desperate for some attention, especially with the thoughts that had been intruding on his mind recently.

The spray of warm water had already made him half hard, and Frank decided that he probably had enough time before anyone else woke up to get this over with. He wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and closed his eyes. He thought of the last guy he’d been with. _Goddamn that was fucking forever ago,_ he thought to himself as dark brown hair and matching eyes came to mind.

They had met at a show that happened to fall on a night the guys had off, a coincidence that was one-in-a-million. They were standing in the crowd, the guy behind Frank, when a song that he must have really liked came on because he surged forward with a hand in the air, nearly knocking Frank over. Frank had stood up and turned around with a fist already pulled back, ready to throw it at whoever just tried to get him trampled. As a small dude, he didn’t take it lightly when he found himself in situations with a lot of tall, excited people ready to stomp on anything that falls to the floor.

He had found a much taller man behind him, with a mouth in a perfect “o” shape when he saw Frank’s fist. Frank had grabbed the front of the guy’s shirt and prepared to unleash hell on him, but stopped when he saw this guy was just staring at Frank, sort of mystified by him. Frank’s fist relaxed, but his hand in the other man’s shirt did not. He had slowly moved his right hand to mirror the one grasping the fabric of the stranger’s shirt, and tugged until the other man crashed forward and their lips met. They went back to the other guy’s apartment, who he learned was named Terry, and Frank had the night of his fucking life.

Now, in the shower, Frank imagined Terry’s lips wrapping around his cock, and he leaned his head back against the wall of the shower, letting out a low moan. As the face in his imagination started to move faster, so did his hand. He was quickly moving toward the point of no return when the man in his fantasy started to shift. His hair grew longer and turned jet black, his eyes lightened from chocolate brown to bottle green and his sharp facial features melted into Gerard’s soft ones. It was too late for Frank to force his brain to depict something else, he was way too close. Imaginary-Gerard swallowed Frank whole and hallowed out his cheeks, making deep eye contact with Frank. Frank’s rhythm sped up even faster when fake-Gerard started bobbing his head like a mad man. Frank let out a strangled cry as he came down Gerard’s throat in his daydream and all over the shower wall opposite him in reality.

Frank slowly opened his eyes, breathing hard. He carefully washed himself off and was just about to cut the water when he heard a voice from outside the bathroom.

“Hey, sorry to whoever is in there but I gotta do my business when you’re done. So hurry it up.” It was Ray, which Frank was thankful for.

“Yeah, just one sec!” Frank called back while turning off the water and toweling himself off. He pulled on the same boxers from before, which he felt kind of gross about but he couldn’t afford to use another clean pair today. He crossed the small space between the shower and the door and was about to open it when he got a look at his face in the foggy mirror. He looked like he’d just jacked off, which was appropriate, but he didn’t like being so obvious about it. He turned the sink on cold and splashed some water on his face, hoping his deep blush would fade. It helped a little, but he still looked like a total flushed dork. He hoped Ray would just chock it up to the hot shower and let it go without teasing him mercilessly. It wasn’t like Ray had any room to speak anyway as he was one of the guys who didn’t mind it when the rest of them could hear him beating off.

Frank opened the bathroom door and pushed past Ray who was waiting outside.

“So weird to see anyone up before me,” Ray said. “That never happens.”

Frank just nodded, thankful that Ray didn’t seem to notice anything off about him. Like that he had just masturbated to the thought of his best friend blowing him. _I am_ seriously _messed up_ , Frank thought. He walked back to his bunk, grabbed his iPod and headphones, ready to climb back into bed, when he heard a rustle from behind him.

“Hmm. Your back dimples are really cute, you know,” Gerard said in a sleepy whisper.

 _Why does this keep happening to me?_ Frank asked himself. _How am I even supposed to fucking respond to that! This kid is killing me_. He slowly turned around, still trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake anyone up, which he had clearly failed at now that Gerard was awake and whispering sexy compliments to him.

“And _you_ are very cute when you’re sleepy.” He didn’t know what the fuck he was saying but he took a step closer to Gerard’s bed and hoped for the best.

Gerard giggled and met Frank’s eye through the gap in the curtains. There was a pause where neither of them said anything. And then, “Brain told me a little secret,” Gerard said.

“Yeah?” Frank took another step forward, cursing himself. “And what’s that?” He hated how husky his voice sounded, like he and Gerard were having the sexiest conversation imaginable when it was actually pretty mundane minus some innocent flirting. _Stop trying to justify it!_ he said to himself.

“He told me we have a hotel night tonight,” Gerard said, causing Frank’s breath to catch in his throat. “He’s keeping it a secret so he can tell as a big surprise before the show, lift our spirits a little.”

Frank’s mind was moving at a million miles an hour. He had been praying for a hotel night for weeks. Some time alone in an air-conditioned room with no one to bother him or wake him up in the middle of the night with their snoring. But this also meant he and Gerard were going to spend time alone together, too, and he couldn’t think of a way to get out of it without looking like a complete asshole. His brain was going haywire from the conflicting emotions: pure ecstasy at the thought of a hotel night by himself and total panic when he thought about the combination of his recent feelings for Gerard and a night alone with him, most likely spent in a _bed_ for fucks sake.

Frank came back to reality quickly when he realized Gerard was staring at him and he hadn’t given any reaction to this news whatsoever. “That’s great!” he said, laughing nervously. “I can’t wait.” Frank hoped that Gerard couldn’t hear the insincerity in his voice.

“Yeah, me neither,” Gerard said, not quite as enthusiastic or flirty as he had been before.

Frank turned around a climbed up into his bunk. He popped his earbuds in, feeling sorry for himself. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gerard draw his curtain closed.

~

They stopped in Wichita for the day, just in time for lunch. _Another hick town with its fucking awful heat_ , Frank thought and then berated himself for it, remembering that he should be thankful for the fans that lived out here and wanted to see them play.

The guys reluctantly pulled on enough clothes to be seen in public (Frank carefully avoided watching Gerard get dressed) and stepped off the bus into the sunlight. _No wonder people think we’re vampires_ , Frank thought as he and rest of the guys shielded their faces from the sun. They argued about where to eat for a bit, surveying the options in walking distance from the bus, until finally settling on Taco Bell.

They didn’t have to eat together, they could easily all go their separate ways and actually get what they wanted instead of unhappily compromising. But they had some unspoken agreement that said when they got to go out for a meal, they did it together. It gave them an opportunity to bond outside of the context of being a band; on-stage, in the recording studio, on the bus on the way to their next gig. They could sit down at a restaurant and pretend to be five normal guys who weren’t famous and didn’t have any weird, unresolved sexual tension between them. Sometimes it was difficult to attain the former as they were often recognized wherever they went, especially if they had a show in the same town that night. The five of them, plus Brian, walked towards the Taco Bell and hoped for the best.

~

Frank was seated in the booth between Mikey and Ray, trying to avoid getting any long, curly hairs in his food as well as getting roped into a conversation about how whatever philosopher Mikey had been reading recently. Gerard sat down on the edge of the booth across from Frank and he couldn’t help noticing the way Gerard’s shoulders squared before he dug into his food as if he was preparing for something really serious, which he guessed you could say he was. Fueling up before a show was important as hell for any musician, but especially the front man.

Frank watched Gerard eat for a few moments before realizing that was probably pretty weird and tried to focus his thoughts anywhere else. He thought about the upcoming hotel night which only made things worse. _Come on, come on, come on!_ he thought, wishing for a distraction. His eyes fell on a guy seated across the room. He was looking right at Frank. Not in a creepy way, as far as Frank could tell, and then the guy dropped his gaze after Frank had been staring back at him for a bit. Frank looked away, too, down at his nearly-finished veggie crunchwrap supreme which he had no desire to keep eating. He glanced up and saw the guy looking at him again. Frank started to think maybe the dude was interested, which was probably wishful thinking, but why else would he look at Frank like that?

Frank decided the guy was pretty good looking. Really good looking, if he was being honest. Short blond hair, a muscular, tattooed body hidden under a black Misfits t-shirt, which Frank took as a good sign. Just when he was questioning yet again if the guy was trying to show he was into Frank, he winked, and then broke their suddenly very charged eye contact. Frank quickly looked down at his food again, completely flushed.

“Something wrong, Frankie?” Gerard asked him. Frank was unsure how he felt about the use of the nickname around other people. He hoped they didn’t think it gave them the right to use it too. Because right now the only one he’d allow to call him that was Gerard. And maybe his mom.

“No, no. I’m good,” Frank said with a strained smile. He knew he wasn’t being too convincing, but he had a lot to process. Should he go up to the guy? Should he assume it was just a wink and that it didn’t mean anything? What would happen if he assumed wrong and hurt the guy’s feelings or pissed him off by coming on to him? He couldn’t imagine how many gay dudes lived in fucking Wichita. This was risky as hell.

“I’ve got some news for you guys,” Brian said from the other end of the table. Everyone turned to look at him, including Frank and Gerard even though they already knew what he was going to say. “We’re not just stopping here until the show is over. We have a hotel tonight.”

Everyone was silent for a second before Bob and Ray broke out in big smiles and high fived each other. Mikey smiled too, and quietly celebrated. Gerard and Frank were also smiling, but not quite as widely as the others as the surprise was lost on them. In the commotion, Frank was able to chance another look around the room. The blond man across the restaurant wasn’t looking at him this time and Frank had a moment to really take in what he looked out without making it weird. He struck Frank as a baseball player, which was strange because he’d never really had much interest in the sport and wasn’t sure exactly what “baseball player” looked like. But the guy’s arms screamed “pitcher” and he seemed to be a genuinely friendly guy just from the way he carried himself, which Frank guessed he must have associated with baseball at some point.

They were all ready to go pretty soon after the hotel night announcement and started filing out of the booth. Frank looked up as he was throwing away the remainder of his food and saw the blond guy get up as well. Frank watched as he threw away his trash in a different bin and started to move towards Frank. Frank turned and followed the rest of the guys out, but hung back a little behind them. He looked to his right once they exited the building and saw the blond guy was only a few paces behind him.

“I’ll see you guys in a few,” he called. Ray turned around and saw the guy behind Frank. He didn’t make a big deal out of it, just waived and turned back, which Frank appreciated. Gerard wasn’t so easy. He saw what was probably about to happen and jealousy immediately seeped into his expression. Frank watched as Gerard quickly tried to cover it up. He knew Gerard probably felt bad for making it seem like he had a monopoly on Frank, like he couldn’t spend time with anyone else on their precious hotel night. But Gerard let it go, and he just smiled and gave a thumbs up that Frank knew he wasn’t all that happy to give.

Frank turned to finally meet the guy from the restaurant. He was quite a bit taller than Frank, and he had to take a step back to make eye contact without craning his neck.

“Hey,” the guy said, thrusting out a hand to Frank. “I’m Jake.”

Frank shook Jake’s hand and said, “I’m Frank, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but your name is honestly so fitting.”

Jake gave a small, genuine laugh. “It probably is, isn’t it?” There was silence for a moment and then Jake said, “So… I know a park that’s not too far from here. We could go sit and talk for a bit?”

“Sounds good,” Frank replied.

They walked a few blocks, making small talk. Frank went out on a limb and asked Jake if he played baseball, which turned out to be true. He played with the local minor league team just for fun, and told Frank it was a great way to let off some steam. As their conversation continued, Frank told Jake he was just passing through, trying to make it clear he wouldn’t be sticking around. Jake asked what he was in town for, and Frank told him. He didn’t lie, but he did downplay the popularity of his band. He hated it when people, especially potential partners, made a big deal about him being in My Chem. It made him so uncomfortable, like they only want to be with him because he was a big shot in a popular band and it made everything so much less genuine, especially because he didn’t take himself nearly that seriously. Jake just nodded and said it was cool, that he played drums and always sort of wanted to do the band thing, even formed one with his brother and a few friends when they were young, but it never went anywhere.

They reached the park and found a bench in the shade to sit on and talk for a while. Frank was surprised how nice the park was, with lush, green grass and fully operating playground equipment that was vacant at the moment. Frank guessed that probably wasn’t too weird as it was the middle of the day on a weekday.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Frank asked.      

“I’m a painter. I’d like to do it just for myself someday, show my stuff in a gallery for snobby people to buy or something like that, but right now I just do the stuff I can get paid for. Houses, interiors, the occasional mural. Those are fun.”

“That’s so cool, dude. For real.” Frank meant it.

“Thanks, man.”

They sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Frank liked this guy, liked his vibe. Still, he usually didn’t make bold moves, so he kind of surprised himself when he leaned over and said in Jake’s ear, “I’d like to see you tonight.” He felt Jake straighten up a little. “We’re getting a hotel for the night, not sure where yet but I can text you the address when I find out if you want,” Frank said, hoping he didn’t sound desperate.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that,” Jake said softly, turning his head a little to look at Frank.

Frank smiled, their faces very close, but he didn’t feel the need to close the distance between them. Not yet. He took out his phone and Jake gave him his number. They both stood up to leave.

“See you tonight,” Jake said with a small smile.

“Yeah.” Frank smiled back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. The next chapter is much longer and more exciting, I promise, and that'll be up probably the day after tomorrow (6/27).
> 
> Fun fact: the thing Gerard says before doing the encore is actually what Frank said at his show in San Francisco in May.

The guys didn’t bother Frank when he got back to the bus, which he appreciated. They only had a little bit of time before soundcheck, so Frank sat down on the couch with his iPod and put in his ear buds for the ride to the venue. With music blasting in his ears he thought through the coming events. He weighed his options; he could blow Gerard off or hang out with him in a very sexually tense situation. Frank couldn’t decide which was worse for their friendship, but one ended in him having sex with a hot guy and the other in most likely just more unresolved sexual tension, so that made up his mind.

Soundcheck went well, and actually wasn’t too boring. Everyone was hopped up on the idea of a hotel night, even Gerard, whose plans seemed to have fallen apart thanks to Frank. _I need to find time to apologize to him_ , he thought. He finished out soundcheck trying to plan out exactly how he should word his apology.

They thankfully only had an hour to kill between soundcheck and when they needed to be back for the show, so Frank didn’t have to live with his pre-concert jitters for too long. He walked over to where Gerard was leaned against a table in the green room, vigorously texting someone in a way that made him look more like Mikey than himself. Frank joined him and waited until Gerard was done to start talking.

“I’m sorry, dude,” he said once Gerard had put away his phone. “I know you want to hang out tonight. I’m breaking a promise and that’s really shitty—”

“It’s okay.” Gerard cut him off as he met Frank’s eyes. Frank tried his best not to get lost. “Really, it is. I can’t say I don’t mind, because you _did_ promise we would hang out, but I get it. It’s not every day you meet a hot guy at a Taco Bell who thinks you’ve got a nice ass.” Gerard laughed and Frank did too. 

“Thanks. Thanks a lot, man,” Frank said, still looking at Gerard. Eventually he dropped his gaze.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Frank?” Gerard said, studying Frank’s face. “I know I’ve asked you that a few times over the past few days and you’ve said you’re fine but I feel like you’re… not.”

Frank sighed. “I’ve been kinda, like, _confused_ lately. Or something. Not really sure. I’ve just been putting feelings in the wrong places and things are turning out weird.” He looked at Gerard again, who was staring intently back at him.

"I know exactly how you feel,” he said softly.

“Yo! Start getting dressed, idiots!” Bob shouted at them from across the room.

Frank and Gerard quickly broke their gaze and shuffled to their respective corners to start the process of getting ready for the show. Frank replayed what just happened, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately. What did Gerard mean he knew exactly how Frank felt? And did he think Frank’s ass was nice or did he just mean that was what Jake thought? Why make that kind of comment if he didn’t agree? He was still sifting through all these thoughts when they moved backstage, just about to go on.

The guys were all high energy, the promise of a hotel night still giving them a kick. Frank remembered what would be waiting for him after the show and started to perk up, too. They walked out on stage and the energy from the crowd washed over Frank. Gerard starting yelling something at the audience and they kicked off the show with Helena. A few songs went by and Frank couldn’t believe how good he felt. The heat was still pretty bad, but they were connecting with the crowd in a way that only happens every so often and he kept thinking about how no matter how hot it was now, he would be sleeping in an air-conditioned hotel room tonight, hopefully with a hunky guy next to him. The thought gave him a dangerous jolt of energy. He felt the current of the music and the screams of the crowd pulse through him for a second before deciding that he needed to move. Immediately.

Frank started running, making mad, unplanned movements across the stage. He leaned on Ray while they played together, he messed up Mikey’s hair, nearly causing his glasses to fall off the end of his nose, then ran over to Bob’s drum set, climbed up the riser and onto the kickdrum, playing his heart out as he balanced on the edge. Frank felt his foot slip and suddenly he was careening off the kickdrum onto the floor. He landed hard on his right ankle and let out a yell. Not loud enough for anyone in the audience to hear, but his bandmates were certainly concerned. They watched him, asking with their eyes if they should stop playing and get him help. He held up a hand that said, “I’m all right” even though he wasn’t so sure he was. Slowly, Frank rose to his feet.

He couldn’t put weight on his right ankle, but he was able to finish the show by balancing on his left foot and leaning against objects on the stage. He tried to forget the pain and throw himself into the music, which he could usually do when he had a minor accident like this. It was harder than in the past, though, because now he was thinking about what it meant for his date later tonight and how there was only one person he was comfortable with touching him when he was in pain after a show: Gerard.

They finished out the show, Gerard cooking up some line like “we usually go hide backstage for a few minutes before playing this last song, but how about we just do the encore now?” because he knew it would be hard for Frank to walk around that much. When they finished, Ray and Mikey came over and put their arms around Frank to help him walk. Frank was a little embarrassed to be helped off the stage like this but he knew he wouldn’t be able to do by himself. Finally, they got Frank on the bus and carefully placed him on the couch with some ice for his ankle.

“Fuck. What do I do?” Frank asked the room.

“Looks like you’re gonna have to cancel your date,” Bob said, coming off somewhere between smug and actually sad for Frank.

“Shit.” Frank took out his phone, found Jake’s number and sent him a text about the stage accident and that he was in a lot of pain and couldn’t hang out tonight. Frank felt bad for doing this over text but he didn’t have the energy or privacy for a phone conversation.

He placed his phone on his stomach after hitting send and tried to not focus on the pain. Ray was currently examining Frank’s ankle intently, being careful not to get too close as he knew that wouldn’t fly with Frank.

“Looks like just a bad sprain. May not be able to do much during the next show, but you’ll be fine,” Ray concluded.

"Thanks, man,” Frank said just before he felt his phone buzz. He snatched it up and flipped it open as fast as he could.

“No worries. Hope the show was good otherwise.” Jake had sent.

“Damn,” Frank said quietly to himself. This dude was a good guy and it sucked to blow him off. Now he wouldn’t have to break his promise to Gerard, though. _Shit_ , Frank thought when it dawned on him what that meant. _You’ll just have to suck it the fuck up_ , he decided. Gerard was the only one he would let go anywhere near that ankle and he would just have to tuck these messed up thoughts away somewhere for a while.

Frank exhaled slowly through his nose. It was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't usually how hotel doors work. Let's just say they're staying at a crappy hotel that has doors that don't lock automatically or something. Enjoy ;)

“Easy, easy,” Ray said as he and Mikey slowly lowered Frank onto his hotel room bed. It had been a struggle to get Frank out of his show clothes, and he was deeply embarrassed that he needed so much help from his bandmates to change, but now he was finally able to rest comfortably in t-shirt and loose pair of sweats that didn’t put pressure on his ankle like the skinny jeans he wore on stage did.

“Oh my God it’s so nice and cool in here.” Frank ran his fingers over the smooth blankets once he was situated in bed.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to just lay down and not be completely overheated,” Mikey said.

“Hmm, I would definitely recommend it,” Frank replied, closing his eyes and smiling at the feeling of the bed below him.

“Shut up, you smug bastard,” Ray said, but in a joking tone. “Want me to get Gerard?”

Frank’s eyes snapped open. “Uhh, no,” he said, a little too rushed. “No. I’m okay for now. I’ll call him if I need him later.”

Mikey and Ray looked at each other, but they didn’t say anything about Frank’s weird behavior, and left to go relax in their own rooms.

Frank stared at the ceiling, his bed not feeling nearly as comfortable as it had just a few moments ago. He wanted so badly to call Gerard and let him wrap up his ankle and distract him from the pain. But he didn’t know what would happen if he was alone with Gerard for that long, especially if they were going to be laying down in bed together.

Frank tried to imagine scenarios and how he would react to them without looking like a total creep. He closed his eyes and pictured the scene. He’d call Gerard, ask him for help with his ankle. Gerard would come to the door, knock, Frank would tell him the door was unlocked, and Gerard would push it open. He would stand there, leaning against the door frame, one hand in his hair, the other at his side. He would slowly raise his eyes to look at Frank, and they would make intense eye contact for a moment. Then Gerard would cross the room to where Frank lay in bed and, very gently so as not to hurt his ankle, straddle him.

Frank, eyes still closed, imagined Gerard slowly grinding his ass on Frank’s crotch and placing his hands on Frank’s chest. He watched Gerard lean forward so their lips were almost touching, and fake-Gerard closed his eyes, about to close the distance–

There was a knock on the door. “Frankie? It’s me,” Gerard said.

 _Oh fuck._ Frank looked down at his tenting pants. _Oh_ fuck _!_ He covered himself with the blankets as fast as he could without jostling his ankle too much and called to Gerard to come in.

Gerard slowly opened the door and peeked into the room. “I know you didn’t ask for me to come,” he said sheepishly, “but I thought you might need some help with your ankle. I brought an ace bandage,” he said and showed it to Frank.

“No, I’m glad you came.” Frank meant it. He loved that Gerard thought of him even when he didn’t ask for help. Knowing he would probably regret it, Frank reached out a hand and patted the bed beside him.

Gerard smiled and crossed the room. He sat down next to Frank and reclined on the bed, placing the ace bandage on the bedside table. “What are you doing under the covers, you weirdo? It may be air-conditioned in here but it’s still not _that_ cold.”

“Oh, uhh, yeah. Ray and Mikey decided to tuck me in before they left. Got a real kick out of themselves,” Frank lied. He really didn’t like lying to Gerard, but what could he tell him? ‘Oh. I just had to cover myself before you came in because I’m still hard from the sexual fantasy I was having about you. No biggie.’ Yeah, that would go over super well.

"Hmm,” was all Gerard said.

They laid there for a few minutes, not saying anything. It wasn’t exactly awkward, they had comfortable silences as often as they had deep conversations when they were hanging out, but Frank was starting to overthink it. He wondered if maybe Gerard knew he was lying, that maybe Gerard could read his mind or something and knew the creepy shit that was going on in there. Frank looked down at his lap to make sure his persistent hard-on wasn’t visible through the thick blankets and was relieved to see it was not. He looked at Gerard, whose eyes were fixed on the wall across from them. Frank stared for a moment at Gerard’s freshly washed face, bare of any makeup. _His skin is so clean and beautiful_ , he thought, and then realized just how gross his own body was. He hadn’t showered since that morning, which wasn’t all that long when they were on tour, but in comparison to Gerard’s perfect cleanliness he felt pretty grimy.

Frank was still staring at Gerard when Gerard turned his head to look at him. Their eyes met and Frank felt immediately embarrassed. He felt his face turn pink, but he didn’t look away. He gazed into Gerard’s bright green eyes, and not in a platonic way either, he just couldn’t stop himself. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, just looking at each other in a way Frank couldn’t help but perceive as loving and maybe a little lustful.

“I’ll take care of you tonight. You don’t have to worry,” Gerard said softly.

Frank’s dick gave a little twitch before he realized Gerard probably meant his ankle and not his libido. Still, Frank didn’t trust his voice enough to speak. He nodded at Gerard, trying to say thank you without words. Finally, Gerard broke the gaze and reached for the ace bandage beside him. He slowly unraveled it and moved to the end of the bed, pulling back the blankets to expose Frank’s swollen ankle. Frank was grateful Gerard didn’t remove the blanket completely as his boner was back in force now. He silently cursed his body and willed it to behave, but he knew nothing would work. He would just have to wait it out and hope Gerard didn’t anything sexy.

That, Frank would soon learn, was wishful thinking.

Gerard carefully cupped Frank’s heel in his palm to straighten out the ankle. Frank hissed a little from the pain, and Gerard apologized.

“’S okay,” Frank said.

Gerard began wrapping the bandage around Frank’s ankle until it was fully shielded and ready to start healing. Gerard set Frank’s foot back down on the bed carefully. Then Gerard looked at Frank, and Frank felt like something bad was going to happen. Well, not bad, exactly, but bad for Frank’s calm exterior. Gerard started climbing up on top of Frank, who had no idea what was happening or how to react.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Frank asked before Gerard got too close and was able to feel his hard-on through the blankets.

“Relax, Frank,” was all Gerard said.

Frank didn’t know what to do other than let Gerard keep climbing up him. He wasn’t going to say no if this was going where he thought it was going. Gerard was straddling Frank’s hips now, but he didn’t sit down like in Frank’s fantasy earlier, instead he hovered just a few inches above Frank’s groin. Frank’s erection was straining hard against the blankets now, dying for just an ounce of friction. Gerard was closing in on Frank, leaning forward and placing his hands on the piles of pillows behind Frank’s head. Gerard leaned in, but didn’t kiss Frank like he was expecting. Instead, Gerard moved so that his chest was in front of Frank’s face, and the dip in the neckline of his shirt allowed Frank to see the way Gerard’s muscles moved beneath it. Frank was confused when he felt Gerard start tugging at one of the pillows behind him. He leaned forward a little, closer to Gerard’s chest, which released a pillow so Gerard could lift it into the air. Quickly, Gerard got off Frank and moved back down the bed to his ankle, where he place the pillow so Frank’s foot would be elevated.

Frank quietly let out all the oxygen he had been holding in, both relieved that Gerard hadn’t seemed to notice how turned on Frank was and disappointed that Gerard had basically just teased him with a lap dance for the past minute or so without it going anywhere.

Gerard sat back down beside Frank and grabbed the TV remote from the bedside table. “Wanna see if something good’s on?” he said, flipping through the channels.

“Sure,” Frank said quietly, his voice a little hoarse.

They bickered for a few minutes before finally agreeing on Alien and settled in to watch. It was a little awkward with Gerard above the blankets and Frank below, but Frank didn't want either of them to move at the moment. They sat back and watched the movie in silence for a while, slipping back into the way they could enjoy hanging out together without saying a word. Frank was finally starting to get comfortable, his hard-on having relaxed and his mind finding relief in the familiar company and entertainment. He let out a long breath through his nose, closing his eyes for just a moment longer than a blink. Frank felt his body soften into the mattress. His muscles, still tight from the show and from weeks of a stressful tour, were finally able to unwind a little. 

"Tell me what's been going on, Frank," Gerard said, eyes not moving from the TV screen. 

Frank didn't know how to respond. He wasn't ready to tell Gerard the truth yet. Wouldn't be ready until these thoughts had been put safely behind him and he could laugh about it with Gerard years from now. No, he had to keep this to himself no matter how much he was dying to let Gerard know what was happening to him. 

"I think it's just this tour. I can't stand the heat. I can't stand the towns with nothing to do. I can't stand the close quarters which is weird because that's always how a tour is. But it's worse this time for some reason." Frank knew exactly why, and he looked over at Gerard as he thought about it, almost hoping that Gerard would look back and see it in Frank's face: he was quickly falling head over heels for his best friend and he didn't know what to do about it. 

Gerard didn't look at Frank, but he said, "I know. I think we're all feeling it, especially about the heat. It's un-fucking-bearable. And you're right, the towns have nothing to them." Gerard paused, reevaluating his statement. "I feel bad saying it because the crowds have been good. They're as devoted as ever, maybe even a little more so, and that's great to see. But I'm almost glad we’ve had hardly any nights off because there'd be nothing to fill my time if I wasn't preparing for a show. There's nowhere to go, no other bands to see, nothing to do but hang out with the guys." Gerard looked at Frank and their eyes met. Gerard must have seen Frank's deep concentration as he listened to Gerard's words and taken it for concern or hurt because he quickly added, "Not that I don't love hanging out. And we've hardly had any time to do that either, like you said. It's just a bummer that there's nothing to do except the same-old, same-old." 

 "I totally agree." Frank smiled. "And I wouldn't be offended if you got tired of hanging out with my boring ass after all this time. I'm really glad you wanted to do this tonight," he said, nodding at the screen. After a pause, Frank added, "I'm sorry I was gonna blow you off. It was selfish of me and I feel really bad about it." Frank dropped his eyes from Gerard's 

There was a silence between them then that Frank didn't know how to interpret. Then, Gerard reached out a hand and rested it on Frank's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. You see me every day and it'snot like we're having sex—" Frank's head snapped up to look at Gerard again— "so I really don't blame you for ditching me to see that guy." Gerard smiled, and Frank couldn't help but smile back, even though he was trying to hide the fact that he was thinking about whether Gerard was also frustrated that the two of them weren't fucking each other. 

Gerard's hand was still on Frank's shoulder and it seemed like they had drifted closer together throughout the conversation. Frank was thinking he might be relaxed enough to enjoy Gerard getting under the covers with him when Gerard suddenly got up and threw the blankets back so he could crawl in next to Frank, seemingly reading his mind.  

Frank held his breath as Gerard settled in beside him. Gerard, ever the cuddle bug, laid his head down on Frank's chest and placed on hand on Frank's belly. Frank decided he should probably start breathing again before Gerard started to worry. They laid there for a few minutes, Gerard watching the movie and Frank concentrating on the places their bodies made contact, before Frank hesitantly lifted his arm and placed it around Gerard's shoulders. It felt so good to be like this with Gerard again, he just wished it didn't feel so damn different. Usually they sat and watched movies like this all the time, and there was nothing more to it. But now Frank's heart beat fast and his mind wouldn't stay still because he was so over the moon about getting to hold Gerard again. He thought about Gerard squeezing his ass and how they never talked that one out, or Gerard's compliment about Frank's back dimples. Frank was receiving too many mixed messages to be comfortable with the way things were, and he longed for the days when things were normal and he didn't think about making out or performing various sex acts with his best friend.  

Frank tried to breathe deeply, hoping his heartbeat would slow because Gerard could most certainly hear it right now with his ear against Frank's chest. Against his better judgement, Frank glanced down at Gerard. He decided he needed to start trusting his gut more because that had definitely been a bad idea. Gerard looked so warm and loveable curled up next to him, and before he could stop himself, Frank was moving his hand to Gerard's head where he gently stroked his hair. 

Gerard let out a relaxed moan, which sent a shockwave straight to Frank's cock, and he watched as Gerard's eyes closed. He continued to play with Gerard's hair until the movie ended and Frank was pretty sure Gerard was asleep. He reluctantly moved his hand to reach for the remote and turned off the TV. Frank wasn't sure what to do. The lights were still on and he couldn't get up to turn them off with his ankle like this, but he didn't want to wake Gerard up to do it. And if he did decide to wake Gerard, Frank didn't want him to leave after the lights were off. He wanted to stay here all night, the two of them cuddled up together. 

Frank resigned himself to try to sleep with the lights on, which he had always had trouble with. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was actually making some progress towards sleep when he heard a soft moan from below him. His eyes were open and staring down at Gerard before he knew it, immediately concerned. 

"Mmm, Frankie," Gerard said in a sleepy voice. Frank's dick was already starting to harden when Gerard spoke again. "Please don't stop." 

Frank started to panic. He couldn’t handle hearing Gerard have sexual fantasy about him in his sleep without relieving himself, but he couldn't do that with Gerard right here. Not only would that be completely perverted as hell, but he would be freaking out the whole time worried that Gerard would wake up and see Frank jerking off to the noises he was making in his sleep. Frank was still trying to figure out what to do and hoping that Gerard was done making sexy noises so that he could maybe try to have some semblance of a normal night when Gerard shifted a little and Frank felt something brush up against his leg. Something hard. Something straining from inside Gerard's pajama pants. 

Frank went completely still, not knowing to what to do in this situation. He cringed at the reaction from his own cock when Gerard moaned again and gently rubbed up against Frank's thigh. He couldn't take this. He had to do something if Gerard kept going or he was going to explode. Gerard started slowly rocking his hips back and forth against Frank's leg and Frank just couldn't take it anymore. He shoved a hand under the blankets and into his pants, careful to avoided touching Gerard's hand which was still resting on his belly, and tried to get off as quickly as possible in case Gerard woke up. 

Gerard's head lolled a bit, but his eyes didn't open. He continued moving against Frank, groaning every so often. Frank was getting closer and closer to his release, eyes trained on Gerard and body attuned to the feeling of Gerard's hard-on against his leg.  

"Touch me, Frankie," Gerard said and Frank lost it. He came hard, cum shooting all over his hand and the inside of his boxers. Gerard was still rocking against him and Frank realized he hadn't complied to Gerard's request. He didn't want to touch Gerard while he was asleep and without consent, but he felt bad that he had gotten off with Gerard right next to him while it sounded like dream-Frank wasn't even helping out. Frank settled for slowly stroking his hand along Gerard's arm. Gerard hummed, which Frank took to be a good sign. 

"So close," Gerard said, moving his hips faster. 

Frank was leaning forward before he knew what he was doing. "Come for me, baby," Frank said softly in Gerard's ear. "Come on, you're so ready." 

Gerard thrust a few times more and then gave a little cry as he came. He smiled in his sleep and relaxed deeper into Frank's arms. Frank pressed a soft kiss to Gerard's temple and soon fell asleep with the lights still on. 


	6. Chapter 6

Frank woke slowly, his mind wanting to stay in the dreamy place where he was warm and comfortable and still cuddled up to his best friend. When he finally opened his eyes, he found bed was cold and empty where Gerard had been, and Frank's heart sunk. He hoped that Gerard hadn't realized what had happened in his sleep and been embarrassed about it, or that Gerard hadn't somehow known what Frank had been doing. He was surprised at how lonely he felt, not knowing when Gerard had left or why. He was about to slide out of bed when he heard the shower shut off in the bathroom. He hadn't even noticed the water was running until its absence was obvious. 

Once again, Frank didn't know what to do. He contemplated getting out of bed and getting dressed as fast as possible, but knew he probably wouldn't have time and didn't want to be caught half-naked by Gerard. So, he stayed in bed, and hoped for the best. 

Gerard exited the bathroom a few minutes later, steam pouring out the door behind him. Frank gulped when he saw Gerard wearing only a towel tied low around his waist. Gerard's face was flushed and his hair and body were still damp. Frank watched as droplets of water rolled down Gerard's chest. He envisioned himself kneeling before Gerard, licking at the skin low on his belly where the water trailed down. 

Gerard held up his pajamas from the night before. "This is all I have with me. Could I borrow some of your clothes for the day?" 

"Yeah." Frank cringed internally at the squeakiness of his voice. "Yeah, of course," he said, a little more sure of himself. He got out of bed and hopped on his good foot over to his bag where he fished around for clothes that were both clean and that would fit Gerard. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans for each of them, tossing the ones that were a little too big on him to Gerard.

Gerard beamed. "Thanks," he said. 

"No problem." Frank looked at the bathroom door. They'd never had a problem changing in front of each other before, and Frank didn't want to make it weird by being too private. But he couldn't imagine the two of them stripping off their clothes in a room alone together. 

"Uhh, Frank?" 

Frank turned to look at Gerard. He hadn't removed the towel yet and was still holding Frank's clothes. "Yeah?" 

"Could I maybe borrow some underwear?" Gerard asked sheepishly. 

"Y-yeah. Yeah," Frank said and reached into his bag for an extra pair of boxers that he prayed were clean, and tossed them to Gerard. 

Gerard smiled and thanked him again. Suddenly he dropped the towel and started to pull on the boxers. Frank looked away as fast as he could, but not fast enough. He'd gotten a look Gerard's half-hard cock (and tried not to think about what made it that way) and he was never going to get the image out of his mind. Frank exhaled and pulled off his pajamas slowly. He decided he had to keep wearing the boxers he had on from the night before, even though they were disgusting and stiff with cum, because he couldn’t strip them off now that his own dick was getting hard.

Frank sat back on the bed to carefully pull his jeans over his ankle, grimacing from the pain a little, but finally getting them on all the way. He tried as hard as he could but he couldn't stop himself from taking a peek at Gerard as he got dressed. Frank stared with his t-shirt in hand as Gerard, wearing Frank's boxers, pulled his own shirt over his head. Frank was relieved that the shirt fit him well, and was still staring at the way Gerard's biceps filled the arms of the shirt when he realized that Gerard was staring back at him. 

He knew he should have looked away as soon as Gerard caught him staring, but he couldn't.  _I could look at him all fucking day_ , Frank thought as he and Gerard held eye contact _._ Slowly, very slowly, Gerard stepped towards Frank. They were only a few feet apart but it felt like it took years for him to close the distance. Frank's heart was beating so fast he was sure Gerard could hear it but he didn't care. Gerard was literally making advances towards him and with the way they were looking at each other he knew something big was about to happen. 

Gerard took one last step so he was standing just a few inches from Frank. Frank could feel Gerard's warm breath on his face, and realized that they were both breathing hard even though they hadn't even touched each other. Still moving excruciatingly slowly, Gerard took the t-shirt Frank was holding. He then placed both his hands under Frank's arms and pressed up, causing Frank to raise his arms above his head. Gerard lowered the shirt onto Frank, smoothing it out across Frank's chest as it fell into place. At the back of his mind, Frank thought this was a little weird, but it felt so intimate and caring that he didn't pay any mind to the thoughts telling him he should be embarrassed. 

Gerard placed his hands on Frank's shoulders and slowly leaned in and pressed a gentle, warm kiss to Frank's cheek. Frank had been hoping for more, but he found this gesture to be perfect for the moment, just edging on more romantic than they had done in the past, but not quite crossing the line. He discovered that he liked this limbo, even with its frustrations, because he didn’t have to commit to his feelings one way or another, though he didn't think he would want it to last forever. 

Gerard rested his forehead against Frank's temple and whispered in his ear, "We should get to breakfast," sounding like he definitely did not want to leave. 

Frank closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, we should probably get going." Neither of them moved apart. They stood there, breathing against each other, eyes closed, until Gerard finally pulled back. He looked into Frank's eyes briefly, not saying anything.  

Eventually, Gerard removed his hands from Frank's shoulders and started picking up his things from around the room. Reluctantly, Frank did the same, and soon they were walking out the hotel room door, leaving what had happened between them behind, at least for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ Intermission ~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eat shit bob" - Gerard Way, 2008.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a ton of writing done in the past few days so I'm posting this a little earlier than I was planning to. Enjoy!
> 
> A note about the timeline of the story: in an earlier chapter I wrote that they had three months left on the tour, which I've changed to two. The story isn't going to be any shorter than I expected it to be, three months just doesn't fit with what I've written.

 

A few weeks went by without incident. Frank and Gerard didn’t get to spend much time together with the lack of nights off, but it allowed Frank to avoid any awkward moments. Gerard didn’t make any other unusual moves on stage either, so their relationship remained in the odd space between friendship and maybe something more.

Frank found himself making excuses to not change with the guys, often showering as soon as they got back from a show and changing in the bathroom. This allowed him to avoid seeing Gerard naked quite a bit of the time, but he still found himself hanging on to every word Gerard gave in interviews and in everyday conversations, not to mention staring at Gerard’s body on occasion. Additionally, whenever he and Gerard made eye contact, Frank had an incredibly hard time looking away. He knew these feelings were not going to fade, but he didn’t think acting on them was a good idea. If something happened between him and Gerard it could completely throw off the group dynamic, even if it only happened once. Frank didn’t want to compromise what the band had, let alone his friendship with Gerard. Still, he was aching for another time like the one they had had in the hotel weeks ago.

Frank couldn’t even guess how many times he had replayed the events of that night and the following morning in his head. He could still feel the way Gerard’s breath had ghosted over the side of his face, how Gerard’s hard dick felt against his leg, how warm and comfortable and _turned on_ he had been in those moments. No matter what happened, he was always going to have those twelve hours in his memory. He could live a hundred more years, have countless partners, settle down with the love of his life, but he would still remember that time with Gerard as one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

Frank held tight to these memories, and when his longing for Gerard felt like too much he brought them to the surface again. He was done with hoping these thoughts would go away and now was trying to find a way to live his life comfortably with them constantly swimming around in his head, knowing he and Gerard might never have another experience together like that.

They’d traveled far on their tour in the recent weeks, finally making it out of the Midwest. They were fast approaching the shift from small towns in the middle of nowhere to larger cities on the coast and the guys were excited to have something to do in their free time other than just hang out on the sweltering bus where the air-conditioning had _still_ not been fixed. Tonight, they were playing in Spokane, and tomorrow they had a night off in Seattle before a show there the following night. After that they would travel down the coast, hitting Portland, Sacramento, Oakland, L.A., and finally San Diego before traveling back across the country and finally reaching New Jersey to play a special hometown gig as the final show of the tour in about a month. There were, of course, a few smaller towns in between the bigger ones. But with so many big-city shows, not to mention a good amount of hotel nights, the guys were ecstatic.

At the moment, Frank was sitting alone in the lounge, reading for a change. Mikey had loaned him some books to fill his time before shows as he hadn’t been brave enough to attempt blending in with the crowd again. He sat on the couch, one leg crossed over his knee and cradling Dostoyevsky’s Notes from Underground, slowly making his way through the pages. He had been surprised to find he liked the stuff Mikey read, and Dostoyevsky’s work was dark as fuck. Fully engrossed in the book, Frank didn’t notice when he was no longer alone.

Frank jumped a little as Gerard plopped down on the couch next to him. “Hey,” Gerard said, smiling at him.

“Hey,” Frank said, grinning back. It always felt good to be in Gerard’s company, and for a moment he forgot what might happen if they were alone together too long.

Gerard scooted over so he was pressed up against Frank’s side and rested his head on Frank’s shoulder. “What’re you reading?” he asked.

“This book Mikey gave me. It’s great. It’s all existential and shit. You’d probably find it really inspiring.” Frank felt the heat coming off Gerard’s body as he relaxed into Frank. It felt so nice, and Frank wished he could touch Gerard all the time. _Oh, Jesus fucking Christ not again,_ he scolded himself and tried to clear his mind of any thoughts about Gerard that weren’t strictly platonic.

“Maybe I’ll ask him if I can borrow it when you’re done,” Gerard said. He looked up at Frank then and they made eye contact for a moment. It had been a long time since they’d just stared at each other, and Frank was so lost in Gerard’s eyes that he forgot for a second that this was definitely _not_ what friends did.

Frank cleared his throat nervously and looked away from Gerard. Gerard averted his gaze as well and the two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, still pressed together.

“I think I’ve changed my mind,” Gerard said, the quiet suddenly broken.

Frank’s heartbeat quickened as he tried to figure out what Gerard could possibly be referring to. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I think,” Gerard replied slowly, “I want to read that book _now_.” He tackled Frank on the last word, knocking them over so Frank was lying flat on the couch, and tried to grab the book from Frank’s hands.

They were both laughing and Frank held the book up past his head as far as he could reach. “Be careful,” he said with a big smile as Gerard scrabbled towards the book, “you know Mikey will be more angry at you than me if we tear this thing to shreds.”

Gerard just smiled wider and climbed farther up Frank’s body, reaching for the book. Just as he was about to grasp it, Frank dropped the book behind the couch. Gerard gasped as he lost his balance and fell forward onto Frank. The two of them burst out laughing before they realized how close they were, chests and hips touching, faces only an inch or so apart.

As their laughter died out, Gerard and Frank looked at each other again. Frank swore it was the most intense moment he had ever lived through, just Gerard staring at him like he was about to do something that would change the world. And he did, in a way. He flipped Frank’s world completely upside-down.

Gerard pushed forward so that his face was even closer to Frank’s, lips hovering so closely together that they couldn’t tell whose breath was whose. Frank brought his arms to rest on Gerard’s back and Gerard moved his forearms so that they were on the couch on either side of Frank’s head. Neither of them had moved to close the distance between their lips yet, and Frank knew it was possible that neither of them ever would. They could stay like this forever, caught in an endless game of chicken both of them desperately wanted to lose. Frank decided he couldn’t live the rest of his life knowing he hadn’t at least _tried_ to kiss Gerard in this moment, so he moved a hand up Gerard’s back and threaded in his long, black hair, and started pulling Gerard’s face towards his.

“What the fuck?” Bob said, his voice destroying the charged silence of the room. Frank and Gerard scrambled away from each other, which really only made it worse. If they believed they hadn’t been doing anything weird they wouldn’t have felt the need to stop when someone else was in the room, and Bob knew it. “Okay, like, whatever. But I better not hear you two fucking.”

“We’re the ones who have to listen to you beat off every damn night, asshole!” Gerard yelled as he stood up. Frank was surprised to see Gerard so angry, as he was so opposed to any kind of violence and preferred to work out disputes calmly. “And we’re _not_ fucking,” Gerard added, a little quieter.

“Yeah, sure.” Bob rolled his eyes and walked back to the bunks.

Frank felt bad for not saying anything. Usually in confrontational situations he was the defensive one, not Gerard. They had never really been in a situation like this before, but Frank was still surprised he wasn’t the one to take a stand and had left Gerard on his own to defend them.

Gerard was still breathing hard, his back to Frank. When he finally turned around his face was angrier than Frank had ever seen it. Frank could tell Gerard was hurt that he hadn’t come to the rescue, and he stood up next to Gerard as he prepared to apologize.

“Gee”– Gerard cringed and looked away – “Gerard, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t speak up. Look –”

“No,” Gerard said, regaining his composure. “Nothing happened. We have nothing to be embarrassed or sorry about.”

“Wha– _Gerard!_ ” Frank said, grabbing Gerard’s arm as he turned away from Frank. Gerard looked at Frank again, still seething. “You’re gonna tell me that _that_ ,” he nodded to the couch, “was nothing?”

Gerard glanced at the floor and tore his arm away from Frank’s grip. “Yeah. I guess I am.” He turned away from Frank and left him to be alone once again.

~

Frank sulked through the rest of the lead-up to the show. He tried to take a nap backstage before they had to go on, but what happened earlier with Gerard kept running through his head over and over and he wasn’t able to sleep a wink. Finally, it was time to start the show. Gerard was mostly his normal self, with one major difference: he wouldn’t interact with Frank. Wouldn’t even look in his general direction. Frank could tell the audience was disappointed that the two of them weren’t having sex on stage or whatever, but Frank couldn’t communicate that to Gerard right now and he knew it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. Gerard wanted nothing to do with him.

Frank decided that this show sucked more than any of the others so far on this tour, and that was saying something. They were playing outdoors again, in the sweltering heat of the Spokane summer and Frank was practically drowning in his stage outfit. None of the guys were doing all that well, missing parts as they drank from water bottles or wiped the sweat from their brows. Gerard’s voice was shot, as they had been on this tour for so long now without a good break to recharge and heal. The crowd wasn’t all that into it, even though there were a ton of people there. It was like they were the opener for a band much bigger than them, that was the level of excitement they were getting. Frank hadn’t felt this self-conscious about them as a band in a long time. He had always tried not to care about what people thought of them, because no matter what the reviews said, the kids at their shows always gave it their all. That was what Frank lived for, what got him through most shows. And today there was nothing to keep him going.

Frank knew they needed to do something to get the crowd into it, something to pick their spirits up a little. During a lull in his part during Honey, This Mirror, Frank looked over at Gerard. Gerard was focused on the people in the front row, probably having realized the same need for some new energy. Frank walked towards Gerard, making it seem like he was just moving upstage. Soon he was standing right next to Gerard, watching him sing through the bridge. Instead of preparing to play the next verse like he should have been, Frank turned and grabbed either side of Gerard’s face when he paused for a breath. Gerard looked at him, wide eyed and incredibly confused. Frank suddenly moved forward and pressed his lips to Gerard’s to the rabid excitement of many audience members. There wasn’t much to it, as it was just a frenzied stage kiss, and it wasn’t at all what Frank was looking for, but he hoped it might do something, _anything_ that would make Gerard stop pretending there was nothing between them. Gerard tried to push Frank off, but he held on a few seconds more before pulling back and going back to playing his part. Gerard was incredibly flustered, but soon caught on to the song again.

The show was almost done at that point, and Gerard was able to get through it even though he was obviously trying to figure out what just happened. Frank tried to push the kiss to the back of his mind as he played out the last few songs. He would think about it later, talk it over with Gerard if Gerard would talk to him at all. For now, Frank focused on the music.

A few minutes later, they stumbled backstage to wait for the encore. As he crossed the threshold Frank felt someone grab his shoulders and press him up against the wall. Suddenly, Gerard’s lips were pressed to his in a heated kiss. Frank didn’t care if the other guys were watching, if the fans could see them through the crack in the door, if there were 400 photographers taking pictures of them, he only cared about the feeling of Gerard kissing him and how _good_ it was, even if it was angry.

Frank was still throwing himself into the kiss when Gerard pulled back, his eyes burning with something Frank couldn’t place. Frank stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open.

“ _Never_ kiss me without my permission,” Gerard said, his voice rough. Frank thought that this was an odd way of getting payback, but he didn’t take Gerard’s warning lightly.

Frank nodded in response, unable to speak. The fans were screaming, waiting for them to come back on, and Gerard walked on stage to greet them as if he had not just engaged in an act that would probably blow the lids off the majority of the audience members. The other guys followed suit, leaving Frank to walk out last. He managed to play through I’m Not Okay with his head still wrapped up in what had happened backstage. He had no idea how to move forward with Gerard.

As an answer to this question, Gerard pointedly avoided him as they left the stage for good and made their way back to the bus. The message was clear: “don’t mess with me.” Frank hung back from the rest of the guys as they boarded, once again feeling sorry for himself.

Frank was able to avoid interacting with anyone for the rest of the night, pulling the curtains closed on his bunk as soon as he got back from his regular after-show shower. He fell asleep, still angry, with his headphones blaring.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a super busy weekend coming up and I'm not sure when I'll be able to update so I thought I'd publish the new chapter a little early. Expect chapter 9 by the end of the day Monday (7/10).
> 
> I'm from Seattle which is why I got so specific with this chapter. If you've never been to the Fremont Troll I highly recommend it. It's super cool and people who have lived in Seattle for a long time (like me!) still visit it. There actually is a real VW Bug trapped under it and the eye is a hubcap. The restaurant they eat at is Beth's Cafe in Green Lake, one of my favorite places.

They arrived in Seattle early the next morning, and Frank swore he could sense the big-city feeling wash over him. He loved Seattle, it reminded him a lot of Jersey. It was gloomy, even in summer, and the people here were angry and standoffish but still be proud to call this city home.

Frank kept his curtains closed until he heard everyone leave the bunk area and then finally got up, got dressed, and packed what he would need for the next two nights — which would both be spent in hotels. They stepped off the bus into the cool morning air, Gerard at the front of the group and Frank at the back. Frank would be lying if he said he didn’t notice the way Gerard’s shoulders relaxed at the feel of the chilly mist that blanketed the city. He felt a similar release of tension greet him when he took his first deep breath of air after stepping off the bus. Frank knew things weren’t good right now, not between him and Gerard, not with his own inner termoil, and not even with the rest of the band after all the exhaustion they had experienced so far on this tour, but Frank felt that if anything could give them a little time to heal, it would be the next two nights spent in this city.

They grabbed their stuff and made their way into the hotel. The elevator ride was silent, but not awkward, as each of them knew the only thing the others were thinking about was being able to go back to sleep in a proper bed in a few minutes. They exited the elevator and walked down the hallway together, peeling off one by one as each of them found their rooms. Frank and Gerard’s were last, at the end of the hall, and Frank gave Gerard one last hopeful look as Gerard entered his room.

When Frank finally pushed the door to his room open he found that it wasn’t all he’d been hoping for. Not that the room wasn’t nice, it was. But he was suddenly lonely without all the other guys, without Gerard. _Fuck, just relax already. You were together literally five seconds ago_ , Frank told himself, but he knew he didn’t believe it. They weren’t together the way he wanted them to be, the way they should be. Frank sighed deeply as he sat down on the bed. He just wished things could be good again. Good like they had been before Bob walked in on him and Gerard, good like they had been the last time they’d had a hotel night and he and Gerard had spent it together. 

Frank laid back on the bed and thought about that night and the following morning as he had so often since it first happened. He relived the feeling of Gerard moaning against him, of Gerard breathing into his ear as he leaned their heads together, of Gerard kissing him last night. Even though the most recent memory was steeped in rage and confusion, Frank found these thoughts soothing. It comforted him to remember the way it felt to be with Gerard, and soon his eyes were closing.

~

Frank gradually woke, slowly dragging himself out of a deep slumber. Just as he was pulling himself into sitting position, there was a knock at the door. Frank slid himself out of bed and padded to over to look through the peephole. It was Mikey, and Frank couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed about which Way brother wanted to talk to him.

“Hey, what’s up?” Frank said as he opened the door.

“Hey. We’re gonna go, like, see the sights and shit. Wanna come?” Mikey asked.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Let me just…” Frank trailed off as he looked around the room for anything he might need. He found his phone and wallet were still in his pockets as he’d fallen asleep with his pants on. “I guess I’m ready.”

The two of them walked down the hall in silence. Mikey didn’t knock on anyone else’s doors so Frank guessed they must all be waiting in the lobby. Sure enough, when Frank checked his phone he found that he had a few missed calls and texts from his bandmates asking him if he wanted to come along. None of them were from Gerard.

Frank opened his mouth to apologize for dropping off the grid when Mikey spoke. “You should talk to him,” he said.

Frank was caught so off-guard he couldn’t figure out who Mikey could be referring to. “Who?” he said.

“Just, like, when you get the chance. Maybe tonight. Talk to him about what’s going on with you two. He doesn’t know how to feel,” Mikey said, ignoring his question.

Frank didn’t need Mikey to clarify, though, he knew exactly who they were talking about now. He said nothing, but nodded, making a mental note that Mikey had noticed Gerard’s internal conflict and felt like something needed to be done about it.

They met the rest of the guys and Brian in the lobby and walked out to the van. Once again, Gerard was in the lead and Frank in the back, so they sat nowhere near each other for the ride. Frank was seated next to Ray, and they talked about whatever came to mind. There was a lull in the conversation and then suddenly Ray blurted out a question Frank guessed he had been itching to ask.

“Do you think you’re ever going to see him again?” Ray asked. “The guy from the Taco Bell, I mean.”

“Oh. Um, no. I don’t think so,” Frank said. “I mean, if we have another show in Wichita and the guy hasn’t, like, settled down or moved or something, then maybe. But I kinda hope we don’t have another show there any time soon.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s nice to finally be on the coast and have a bunch of huge shows lined up.” Frank noticed that Gerard had been watching them, seemingly trying to listen in, and struck up a conversation with Bob when it became obvious that Frank and Ray were done with the current subject.

They went to a few different attractions; the Space Needle, the Pike Place Market, the Ballard Locks, before finally ending up at what Frank decided was his favorite spot in the whole city: the Fremont Troll. The troll sat under a bridge, of course, with one arm reaching towards them while another crushed a VW Bug under its palm. It stared out at them with a single giant eye that looked to be made from a hubcap. Frank was transfixed by the sculpture, unable to translate what he was feeling into words. The other guys were having a blast, climbing on the troll and taking pictures, but Frank stood still. He felt like the troll _knew_ him, knew how lost he was, how deeply troubling his life had become. He had no source of comfort now that he and Gerard weren’t spending time together. It felt like no one was there for him and no one knew what he was going through.

The troll helped, though. He felt the two of them connect over their mutual abandonment. The troll had been left with no one, only hooligans who liked to climb on him and poke at his eye ever visited. Frank felt a similar sense of loneliness in himself. Frank watched as the guys laughed and joked with each other, hanging out on the troll. He sighed, knowing he should stop acting like a solitary weirdo and join them, and walked forward.

There were other people around, checking out the troll, and not all of them seemed to be tourists. It felt like a place people came back to long after it had stopped being a novelty, and Frank made a note to return to this spot if he ever got to visit the city again. He wondered how it would feel after years had passed and his life had moved on.

Frank watched as another man talked to Gerard. They were both sitting on top of the troll’s head, leaned back on their hands with their legs dangling over the edge. The other guy was lean and muscular, with dark hair and grungy clothes. Entirely Gerard’s type. The two talked for a while, and Frank observed until he decided he was making it too obvious that he was jealous and looked away. He walked over to Mikey, who was observing the car trapped under the troll’s hand, and the two of them tried to figure out how the creators had managed to make it look like there was actually a Bug under there. The two were talking animatedly when they were interrupted by a loud laugh they both knew well.

Frank and Mikey turned to see Gerard and the other guy making their way down the troll to the ground. Frank’s heart fell when he saw they were holding hands. Gerard wasn’t one to pick up strangers, which made Frank wonder whether this was genuine or just a way of getting back at him. He couldn’t imagine Gerard would pull an innocent bystander into the turbulence of their relationship, but Gerard had done a lot of unexpected things recently which had thrown Frank’s understanding of him way off kilter.

Gerard and the other guy approached, both still smiling wide and giggling. “Kevin’s gonna come hang out with us tonight! It’ll be so fun,” Gerard said.

There was silence for a moment, and then Frank realized Gerard was expecting him to respond. “Oh, uhh, okay. Cool?” he managed to say.

Gerard smiled a big, fake smile and pulled Kevin toward the van.

“ _Kevin?_ ” Frank asked Mikey once they were out of earshot.

“I told you he needs a talking to,” Mikey said.

~

The van ride to dinner was insufferable. Gerard and Kevin flirted and giggled the entire time, loud enough for Frank to hear all the way in the back. Frank sat with his arms crossed and his face set for the entire ride, not speaking to anyone. He stared out the window and tried to shut down the hearing part of his brain.

They arrived at the restaurant, a twenty-four hour diner that wasn’t all that nice but very fitting for them. Frank plopped down in the booth after Bob and Ray and found that he was seated directly across from Gerard and his new love interest. Frank cursed himself for not taking more care to sit as far away from them as possible, but knew there was no going back now.

The diner served breakfast all day, and Frank decided to take full advantage. When his mountain of loaded hash browns arrived, he settled in to devour it in its entirety. He was interrupted, however, by a kick in the shin from under the table.

“Ow!” Frank said and looked up from his food, just in time to see Gerard whispering something in Kevin’s ear. Frank stared at them, captivated by their interaction. Gerard pulled back and then pressed a kiss just below Kevin’s earlobe.

Frank felt another kick in his leg and looked in the direction it had come from. He found Mikey staring at him with pleading eyes. “Please do something!” he mouthed.

“I will,” Frank mouthed back, and returned to his food so he could shut out everything that was going on around him.

~

They arrived back at the hotel, everyone exhausted but happy. Well, everyone except Frank. Frank was exhausted and seething. They returned to their respective rooms, Kevin following Gerard into his, and Frank sat on his bed and thought about what he should do. He leaned back and rested his head on the pillows, hands on his stomach. _What the fuck is Gerard trying to pull coming onto another dude like that? Just trying to get back at me?_ he thought. He didn’t care if Gerard had other relationships. Well, he did care, but not that much. He just didn’t want Gerard to ruin this guy’s life because he and Frank were having problems. _‘Having problems.’ God, I’m making it sound like Gerard is cheating on me_.

There was a knock at the door. Frank opened it and Mikey barged through as soon as the door was open a crack, hands in his hair and eyes wide.

“What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do!” Mikey started pacing the room.

“Whoa, dude, calm down. It’s just a fling while we’re in the city, no big deal. I’ll sort things out with Gee,” Frank said.

“No, you don’t get it.” Mikey stopped pacing and looked at Frank. “He’s talked to me… about you two. Like, he’s told me things, the way he feels or whatever. This isn’t like him, carrying on with some random guy, and I know he doesn’t want to go through with it. He wants someone to rescue him. He wants _you_ to rescue him.”

Frank tried to process the fact that Gerard had been talking to his brother about them, that he might even have told Mikey that he had feelings for Frank, too. Frank forced himself back to the current conversation. “Mikey, I don’t know if I should. I can’t just go knocking down his door to save him from something he seems to be pretty happy about.”

“If you don’t do this,” Mikey said, his voice dead serious, “you and Gerard will never have anything.”

Frank swallowed. “All– all right. Okay. I’ll do something. I don’t know if it’ll help but I’ll do something.”

“Good. And do it fast. I don’t know how busy they’ve gotten in there,” Mikey said as he pulled the door open and walked through it.

Frank exhaled and gave himself a few more seconds to prepare. He hoped to God Mikey was right about what Gerard wanted. He left his room and crossed the hall, pausing outside Gerard’s door. He heard faint giggles and rustling noises coming from inside. Frank held his hand up in a fist, hesitating for just a moment, and knocked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank doesn't seem to be too good at following that "don't kiss me without my permission" rule...

There was no answer. Frank went to knock again, but paused when he heard a soft moan from inside the hotel room. He pressed his ear to the door to listen.

The voices were faint, but Frank could make out Gerard saying, “Fuck yeah, baby,” and that was it for him. Frank tried the knob and found that the door was unlocked, so he swung it wide open, causing it to bang dramatically. Inside, Kevin was leaned against the wall with Gerard kneeling in front of him, Gerard’s hand poised on Kevin’s zipper. Both of them had turned to stare at Frank, Gerard’s eyes blown wide and his mouth hanging open.

It took a second for Frank to react, but when he did it was with pure fury. “Oh no you fuckin’ don’t,” Frank growled as he advanced towards the pair. He gripped Gerard by the shoulder and pushed him back, then threw a punch that landed square on Kevin’s jaw.

“Frank!” Gerard yelled. Frank felt Gerard scrabbling at his back, trying to get him away from Kevin. Frank turned around and grabbed Gerard, pushing him against the wall beside Kevin with his forearm pressed into Gerard’s sternum, holding him in place. Kevin gawked at them, holding his jaw.

“Get the fuck out of here, idiot,” Frank told Kevin, and he obeyed, closing the door behind him with one last glance at Gerard. _Coward_ , Frank thought.

“What the fuck, Frank!” Gerard said, struggling in Frank’s grasp.

Frank relaxed a little bit, but didn’t let go. He didn’t know why he was being so possessive, and he knew he would have to do some serious apologizing for it later, but right now all he could think about was Gerard on his knees for another guy and how it burned his insides to see it. “What were you doing with that guy, huh? Just trying to mess with me?” Frank said.

“Fuck you!” Gerard screamed back. “I was gonna let you ditch me to bang some hick and you can’t stand me being with another dude? You don’t fuckin’ own me!” Gerard struggled harder against Frank’s arm, lashing out with his legs. Frank stepped forward and pressed his hips against Gerard’s so he couldn’t kick.

“At least I pick up guys who aren’t stupid hipster assholes. At least I have some self-respect.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about self-respect, Frank. You don’t even have the balls to cut yourself a break and admit that you wanna fuck me!” Gerard spat.

Frank’s eyes went wide and he stared at Gerard. His arm relaxed a little in his shock, which he instantly regretted. Gerard pushed forward and was able to escape Frank’s hold on him, nearly making it to the door before Frank tackled him to the ground. Frank landed on top of Gerard, his chest pressed to Gerard’s back. He sat up and grabbed Gerard by his shoulders, flipping him around so he was straddling him. Gerard started to tear at the front of Frank’s shirt, so Frank grabbed his wrists and held them to the floor on either side of Gerard’s head.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Frank said, breathing hard.

“I said,” Gerard said with a huff as he tried to catch his breath, too, “that you don’t have the balls to admit you want to fuck me.”

They stayed like that for a moment, Frank on top of Gerard, holding him down, both breathing deeply. He didn’t know if it was because he felt insulted or like he had to prove himself or because he had just been so completely and brutally _exposed_ , but before he knew what he was doing Frank was leaning forward and crushing his lips to Gerard’s.

Gerard squirmed underneath him for a moment before finally relaxing into the heated kiss and giving back. Frank ran his tongue along Gerard’s bottom lip and Gerard opened his mouth to him. They made out messily, angrily, unabashedly throwing themselves at each other for a few minutes. Frank felt himself grow hard against Gerard and he pressed down with his hips. Gerard broke the kiss to turn his head and take in a deep gulp of air. Frank seized the opportunity to attach his lips to Gerard’s neck and suck hard, knowing he would leave a mark.

“Fuck,” Gerard said quietly between moans. “ _Fuck_ ,” he said again, more seriously, and he stilled below Frank.

Frank pulled back to look at Gerard with hooded eyes. “You okay?” he asked.

“What the fuck are we doing?” Gerard said much louder than Frank would have liked. He started scrambling below Frank again, trying to push him off. Frank decided it probably wasn’t best to keep holding Gerard down while he was clearly starting to freak out so he rolled off him and sat beside him. Gerard sat up and looked at Frank. “Seriously. What the _fuck_ are we doing?”

“I–I don’t know? Making out?”

Gerard dropped back onto the floor and stared at the ceiling. He brought his hands up to cover his face and let out a slow breath. Frank just stared at him, wishing he knew what Gerard was thinking.

“What’s wrong?” Frank asked.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong is we’re _friends_ and yet we can’t keep our fucking hands off each other!” Gerard said, exasperated, throwing his hands into the air. “I can’t keep going like this!”

“What do you mean _you_ can’t keep going like this?” Frank asked, thinking back to what Mikey had said about Gerard telling him how he felt about Frank.

Gerard looked at Frank, but instead of answering he scrambled to his feet and opened the door. “Look, I’m sorry but we can’t do this. You gotta go. I’ll see you later.” Gerard wouldn’t meet Frank’s eye.

Frank stared at Gerard with his mouth open. “You’re kicking me out?” he said after a moment.

Gerard paused, still not looking at Frank. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry,” he added with a quick glance up at Frank before planting his eyes on the floor again.

Frank stared for a moment longer before scoffing. “Whatever,” he said as he got to his feet and crossed the threshold.

“Frank,” Gerard said and Frank turned around. Their eyes met and Frank could see the hurt Gerard was feeling. He urged himself to ask Gerard to let him help work things out, but he couldn’t do it. He was too angry and embarrassed and confused to offer any support. They stood there, not saying anything. Just as Frank was thinking he should turn to leave again, Gerard spoke. “I was awake.”

“What?” Frank asked, having no earthly clue what Gerard was talking about.

“The last hotel night. When we were in bed. I wasn’t asleep,” he said, staring Frank dead in the eye.

The weight of Gerard’s words hit Frank like a freight train. Frank’s mouth dropped open for probably the hundredth time that night, but he couldn’t find anything to say in response. He made some sputtering noises, trying to wrap his mind around what Gerard had said, but before he could form a coherent sentence, Gerard closed the door in his face.

Frank exhaled and closed his eyes, turning around to lean against the door that had just been shut on him. “What the actual _fuck_ ,” he said to himself.

~

Frank returned to his room and made sure his door was locked, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone. He tried to sleep, but barely got a wink in. He kept going over what Gerard had said to him, what exactly it meant that Gerard had been awake that night. _Why would he pretend to be asleep? What did he want me to do?_ Frank couldn’t stop questioning Gerard’s intentions and what it meant for the two of them.

Finally, Frank’s phone rang around 9am, and he knew it was time to get up. Brian told him over the phone that they were leaving for breakfast in a half an hour. Frank was about to tell Brian he’d be there when he realized what going to breakfast meant: being around Gerard after what happened last night and what he _knew_. Frank panicked. He couldn’t be around Gerard yet, he wouldn’t survive through the awkwardness and the thick sexual tension that he now knew was mutual.

“Uhh, wait, Brian. I don’t think I should go,” Frank stammered.

“What? Why?” Brian asked, concerned.

“It’s just…” Frank wracked his brain for an excuse before he remembered his injury from weeks before. “It’s my ankle. I think I twisted it last night and I’m just, like, worried I might’ve hurt it again. I should probably stay off it until the show.”

“Oh, yeah. Are you sure you’re okay? I can send Gerard–”

“No!” Frank blurted out. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

Thankfully, Brian didn’t seem to think Frank was acting odd. “Okay. We’ll bring you something back.”

“No ‘s cool. I’ll order room service or something.”

“All right, dude. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Sure. Thanks.” Frank exhaled as he hung up. He looked down at his fully healed ankle. A deep feeling of guilt hit him, as it always did when he told a lie. Frank sighed and started getting ready for the day that would be spent alone until it was time for the show.

Frank pulled on a clean shirt and jeans. It felt nice to wear clothes that were _actually_ clean and not just _almost_ clean as he had found time to send his clothes off to be washed. Frank went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and as he did he got a look at his face in the mirror. He looked stressed out of his mind, with deep bags under his eyes and a gaunt, pale tinge to his skin. It was fitting, he thought, for what he had been going through. He left the bathroom and grabbed the ice bucket, intending to wake himself up with a cold glass of water, but found that all the ice had melted overnight. Frank sighed and resigned himself to try to find an ice machine.  

Frank left his hotel room and wandered down the hall. He finally stumbled across a door marked "Ice" and pushed it open. Inside, he found Gerard standing beside the ice machine, waiting for the vending machine to deliver him his breakfast of pop tarts. He had one hand against the window of the machine and one hand slung down, poised to retrieve his food. He was turned away from Frank, and Frank stared at Gerard's ass as he bent over. _God his ass is so hot_ , he thought before he could stop himself. When Gerard turned around, he saw Frank and froze. The two of them stared at each other in silence. After a moment, Frank came back to his senses and got out of there fast. He hurried back down the hall to his room. 

"Fuck," he said to himself when he realized he had locked his door when he got back last night and forgot to grab his key before he left. He sighed and tried to figure out what he should do. He heard the floorboards creak behind him and he turned to find Gerard tentatively walking back to his room which was across the hall from Frank's. 

"Left my key inside," Frank confessed when he saw Gerard looking at him inquisitively. 

"Oh," Gerard said, seemingly surprised Frank would speak to him. "Call the front desk? I can give you the number." 

"Phone's inside too." 

"Shit. Um..." Frank could see Gerard was deciding whether what he was about to say was a very bad idea. "You can use mine if you want," he finished, not looking at Frank. 

"Thanks." 

Gerard retrieved his key from the back pocket of his very tight skinny jeans and unlocked the door. He and Frank entered the room and an intense feeling of embarrassment washed over them as they both remembered what happened the last time Frank was in Gerard's room. 

Frank immediately headed to the hotel phone on Gerard's bedside table, setting the ice bucket down beside it, and was halfway through dialing the front desk when he realized something. 

"Wait a second," Frank said, hanging up the phone and turning around. "Why aren't you at breakfast?"

Gerard looked away and blushed a bit. “Didn’t feel good,” he said.

“Bullshit. You didn’t want to be around me,” Frank said accusingly, taking a step towards Gerard.

Gerard looked at him, his brow furrowed. “Well why aren’t _you_ at breakfast then?”

Frank’s resolve faltered and now it was his turn to look away. “My ankle hurts,” he said. He saw Gerard smile out of the corner of his eye.

“Liar,” he said, and stepped closer to Frank.

“You are too.” They were acting like children, and they seemed to realize it at the same moment. There was a pause and the air around them grew tense. “I’m sorry. About last night,” he said, deciding not to bring up the other big thing that had happened the night before. Not yet.

Gerard didn’t respond right away, but he took another step forward and made eye contact with Frank. Frank could tell they were both nervous, feeling like they were once again running headlong towards something big. “I’m scared, Frank,” Gerard said.

“Me too,” Frank said without thinking, and at that moment he realized he _was_ scared. He was scared shitless. It wasn’t just the nervousness about having a crush that had turned into something much, much more, it was about entering new territory with Gerard and possibly fucking up everything they and the band had. They both knew the consequences their actions could have, and yet it seemed they were never going to get past this tension. He thought about the concept art Gerard had shown him almost a month ago and how the band was moving in a new direction, and that it could all be compromised because he and Gerard were acting like fucking teenagers. Frank took a step out of his thoughts as he was quickly falling down a rabbit hole of worst possible outcomes. “What do we do?”

“I–” Gerard started, but he paused and closed his mouth. He looked at Frank for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Fuck,” he said finally. “I don’t know.”

Frank laughed. “That’s all you’ve got?”

Gerard smiled back. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m not good for relationship advice.”

They stood there smiling at each other for a few more minutes before Frank felt the awkwardness start to seep in. “I should go,” he said. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Sure,” Gerard said, looking a little crestfallen.

Frank left Gerard’s room and walked across the hall to his own. “Fuck,” he said again when he realized he never called the front desk.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me longer to update than usual. Had some writer's block and finals for my summer classes so it's been tough to write recently. I hope this longer chapter is satisfactory!
> 
> Maybe MCR will write their own Northern Downpour after this ;)

Time passed excruciatingly slowly for Frank. After going downstairs to the front desk and finally getting back into his room, he was able to return to the ice machine room and get himself the cold drink of water he had been craving and a snack. He tried to pass the time by watching TV and finding new music to listen to, but the hours dragged on and on. He wasn’t jealous of the guys who were out roaming the city, he didn’t have the energy to do that right now, but he _was_ lonely. Lonely for a specific person. Who was staying just across the hall.

More than once Frank stared at the door and contemplated marching through it and knocking on the one directly across from it. But after the awkwardness of the morning he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So, Frank sulked. And he watched shitty TV and listened to shitty music and ate shitty vending machine food. Eventually, Brian sent him a text saying it was time to leave for soundcheck. Frank packed up his things and left his room, making sure Gerard was nowhere in sight as he made his way down to the van.

He took his regular spot in the back, this time next to Mikey, who seemed very excited about Frank’s presence. “What’s up?” Frank asked him as he sat down. “Why’re you so _twitchy_?” he added when Mikey wouldn’t sit still.

Mikey didn’t answer him. He just fidgeted beside Frank until Gerard came down to the van and sat in the front, and then smacked Frank on the shoulder as if Frank hadn’t already noticed who had finally decided to show up. Frank looked for the spot where Gerard’s hickey should have been and saw it was the same color as his skin. _Must have covered it up with makeup, the bastard_ , Frank thought. Mikey’s eyes flicked back and forth between Frank and Gerard, and Frank knew what was on his mind. “Don’t get your hopes up,” he told Mikey.

“What? Why? What happened?” Mikey said, concern replacing his enthusiasm.

“Nothing,” Frank said quickly.

“What exactly is ‘nothing’?” Mikey asked.

The van started to move and Frank took the opportunity to stare out the window instead of looking at Mikey. “Just… nothing. And nothing happened between Gerard and that guy.”

Mikey grabbed Frank’s arm and Frank turned to look at him. “You mean Kevin? What did you do?”

“I just, like, kicked him out. It was no big deal.” Frank thought back to his punch landing on Kevin’s face. Mikey probably would not agree that that was ‘no big deal.’

“Holy shit. And then what?” Mikey said, his eyes wide.

“Nothing!” Frank said a little too loud. He glanced around the van to make sure no one was listening. “Really, nothing,” he said a little quieter.

“Come on. What happened between you and Gerard?”

Frank bit his lip and looked down. “We, uhh. We made out a little.” He knew it was the understatement of the year. His thoughts immediately flipped to Gerard underneath him, the hard length in his pants, the soft feeling of lips on skin.

“Oh my God!” Mikey said in an exasperated whisper. “Is that why neither of you hung out with us today? Too busy?” Mikey raised his eyebrows at Frank.

“No! No. It was pretty awkward, actually. Didn’t go as well as I’d’ve liked.”

“Shit. He’s not mad at you, is he?”

“I don’t know. He said he was scared, I guess about going further or something. But I don’t think he’s mad, even after what I did to Kevin.”

Mikey gave Frank a smug look. “Told ya so.”

Frank shrugged him off. They arrived at the venue and filed out of the van. Soundcheck passed uneventfully, Frank and Gerard never even making eye contact. Afterwards, Brian pulled Frank aside.

“You feeling okay?” He asked.

Frank paused for a moment, trying to work out what Brian meant before remembering the lie he told that morning. “Yeah, totally. Bit of rest did me good.” Frank smiled at Brian and tried to appear convincing. It seemed to work as Brian just patted Frank on the back and went to talk to a stagehand.

Frank sighed and made his way to the green room. He was happy to find it empty and sat down on the couch with his book to read. He was still working through Notes From Underground, and thoughts from what happened the last time he had been reading it came to mind. He relived the feeling of Gerard pressed on top of him, their breath mingling. And then the heartbreak of Gerard’s angry look after he had stood up for them to Bob.

Frank found he had read almost two full pages without taking in a word. He sighed and set the book down, knowing it was useless to think about anything but Gerard. Frank wondered if he should bring up the incident on the bus if he had the chance, or if that would only make things worse. He hated that Gerard was acting like what they were doing was wrong, and maybe that was how Frank should be thinking about things, but that didn’t stop Frank from feeling hurt by Gerard’s rejection. He wanted Gerard to know that he could talk to Frank about anything, like they used to, and he felt so cut off from his friend now that a wall had been built between them by their actions and feelings.

He hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed until Ray poked his head in the green room door. “Hey, we’re getting ready to go on,” he told Frank.

Frank got up off the couch and followed Ray to where the other guys were waiting backstage. A stage tech handed Frank his guitar and he mentally prepared himself for the show. He started pumping himself up, making small hops on both feet.

“Ow!” said a voice behind Frank and he quickly moved off the foot he had just stomped on. He turned to see Bob backed against the wall, gripping one foot. “That fucking hurt, asshole!”

“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know you were there,” Frank said honestly.

“I’m gonna get you back for this,” Bob said, his voice dark. Frank gulped. Bob was always one to keep his word.

~

The show was good. Better than good, really. They played in an indoor arena in the shadow of the Space Needle where it was cool. The crowd was amazing. They were angry and scrappy, mirroring the energy of the guys on stage. Frank and Gerard didn’t interact hardly at all but it didn’t seem to matter like it had to the Spokane fans. Everyone in the place was having a great time and Frank let himself live a little knowing that hopefully all their shows would be like this for the next few weeks.

They finished the show and headed back to the van, laughing and yelling happily as they did. The collective elated feeling lasted all the way to the hotel, and when they stepped off the elevator it seemed to have given Bob a clever idea.

“Everyone, party in Frank’s room!” he yelled and the group cheered, minus Frank.

“What the hell, Bob!” Frank said, agitated.

“Payback’s a bitch, huh? Gonna raid your mini bar, dickwad.”

Frank watched hopelessly as his bandmates and Brian crowded around his hotel room door, yelling at him to open it. Finally, Frank relented, and dug his room key out of his pocket. “If you guys trash my room I swear to fucking God–” but Frank wasn’t given the opportunity to finish.

“PILLOW FIGHT!” Gerard yelled as he ran into the room and jumped on Frank’s bed, lobbing a pillow at Mikey.

The rest of the guys streamed in after him, and Frank was left to stand in the doorway with his face in his palm.

~

True to his word, Bob did raid the mini bar. A few hours had passed and all of them were at varying levels of drunkenness, ranging from Mikey’s slightly buzzed state to Ray’s completely unconscious one. Frank was somewhere in between, not drunk enough to make any bad decisions on his own, but enough to maybe be talked into some. Gerard was worse off. A happy drunk, he had started laughing hysterically at anything anyone said and draping himself over those next to him. They sat in a circle on the floor, and Frank watched jealously as Gerard laid his head in Brian’s lap and his feet on Mikey.

Frank decided he needed to be drunker, and took a few more quick swigs from his drink before finishing it off. They were talking about something Frank had lost track of long ago, but it seemed to have to do with comic books and the scientific accuracy of superhero powers. Gerard was going on about Spiderman and the physical incapability of a web strong enough to hold a human body as it swung from skyscraper to skyscraper when Brian yawned.

“I think I’m gonna hit the hay,” he said when Gerard concluded his thought. He carefully lifted Gerard’s head from his lap and placed it on the floor as he got up. “We leave for Portland at noon. Be sober-ish by then.”

“I should probably go, too. Mom wanted to talk to me and it’s almost early enough that she’ll be awake,” Mikey said. “I’ll take this piece of shit with me.” He gestured to Ray’s snoring body lying on the floor between him and Frank.

“Fuckin’ party poopers. I’m outta here,” Bob said and promptly followed Brian out the door.

“Sheesh. That guy doesn’t ever calm down, does he?” Mikey said. No one said anything for a moment. Then Ray let out a particularly loud snore and Mikey said “Okay, time to go.” He set Gerard’s feet on the floor and half-carried, half-dragged Ray out of the hotel room. “Have a nice night!” he called just before the door shut.

There was silence as Frank sat across from where Gerard lay on the floor, just staring at the ceiling. Frank breathed deeply, feeling himself grow more unsteady from the drink he had recently finished off. He stared at Gerard through half-lidded eyes, and he could see that Gerard was alert even in his drunkenness.

“It’s ridiculous,” Gerard said suddenly, startling Frank.

“What?” he said, completely confused.

“Just…” Gerard trailed off. He turned his head to look at Frank sideways. They stared at each other for a moment. “The whole concept of Spiderman. Ridiculous.”

Frank laughed. He scooted across the floor and turned so he was sitting beside Gerard, mimicking the way they had sat together after their make-out session the night before. _Mmm, making out sounds nice right about now_ , Frank’s fuzzy brain thought. _Shit, fuck. No,_ he tried to stop himself but the thought had already entered his mind and now he wanted nothing more than to kiss Gerard senseless. His heartbeat sped up and his breath grew shallow. He tried to regain his composure, he couldn’t fall apart now with Gerard right next to him.

“What are you doing up there?” Gerard asked, sounding genuinely confused.

Frank looked down at him. “I dunno. Chillin’”

“Come down here. You’re too far away,” Gerard patted the floor between them.

Frank sighed. He knew he shouldn’t comply, but he couldn’t resist Gerard. He turned on his side and laid his head down on the floor so he was mirroring Gerard’s pose. Their eyes met and Frank became very aware that they were only a few inches apart.

“What are you thinking about?” Gerard asked.

“You,” Frank said without thinking. He blushed and looked away as soon as he realized what he’d said.

Gerard placed his hand on Frank’s cheek and their eyes met again. “Me too,” he said. And suddenly their lips were pressed together and Frank’s hand was on Gerard’s hip. Frank didn’t know who initiated it or who closed their eyes first, but they were kissing and it was good and it was everything he wanted; it was softer and more innocent than any of the kisses they had shared in the past. This time, it was Gerard’s tongue that encouraged the kiss to go deeper, and Frank happily complied. He shifted closer to Gerard, whose head fell back against the floor. Frank leaned over him, running his hand up Gerard’s side and twisting it into his dark hair.

Gerard moaned against his mouth and Frank pulled on the black locks a little bit harder, causing Gerard to break the kiss to gasp. Frank opened his eyes and saw Gerard was looking at him, his pupils blown wide with drunkenness and desire. Frank felt a similar feeling in himself, but he couldn’t stand to go through with this and have Gerard deny it in the morning.

“You sure you want this?” he asked softly.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak but only a small moan came out. “Fuck, Frankie, just kiss me,” he said finally.

Frank chuckled and took that as a yes. He dipped his head down to attach his lips to Gerard’s once again and the kiss was immediately more intense than before. Gerard was hungry for this it seemed, and so was Frank. Frank moved so that he was on top of Gerard, with a knee between Gerard’s thighs. He could feel himself growing hard in his jeans, and he pressed himself down onto Gerard, desperate for a little friction. They both broke away to gasp and Frank could feel Gerard’s hard-on against his thigh. He moved again, pressing his dick to Gerard’s hipbone.

“ _Fuck_ , Frank,” Gerard said, his voice breathy and hot against Frank’s face.

Frank moaned a little and placed his lips on the hickey he had given Gerard the night before, which was now showing with the makeup having warn off. He pulled the skin between his teeth and Gerard sucked in a breath, the spot obviously still sore. Frank released it after a moment and whispered in Gerard’s ear, “You’re not gonna be able to hide that tomorrow.”

All Gerard could do was whimper below Frank and thrust his hips up. Frank gave a small laugh and complied to Gerard’s need for more contact. His breath gradually sped up along with the pace of his hips. He could feel himself getting closer and knew Gerard was getting there too when he noticed Gerard wasn’t looking at him. Frank slowed, and Gerard made a noise of protest.

“Look at me,” Frank said. Gerard didn’t submit right away, looking anywhere but Frank, but finally met Frank’s eyes. “Is this what you want?” Frank asked again.

“I–,” Gerard started. He bit his lip which made Frank want him even more, but he didn’t give in to the urge to keep going. Instead, he waited for Gerard’s answer. “I– _Yes_ , Frank. This is _all_ I want. I’m just… worried.”

Frank breathed a sigh of relief. “I know. I am too,” he pressed a soft kiss to Gerard’s mouth. “Let’s just forget about it for, like, five more minutes.”

Gerard laughed. “You’ve got five minutes left in you? Shit, I was about to come any second before you stopped.”

Frank groaned and kissed Gerard again, this time wet and open mouthed. He moved his leg to the other side of Gerard’s hips so he was straddling him and the pressed down. He could feel Gerard’s cock straining against his pants as it rubbed up against his own, and he quickened his pace. He detached his mouth from Gerard’s and placed it in the crook of his neck. Gerard lolled his head over and rested his cheek in Frank’s hair.

“Frankie, fuck I– I’m–”

“Me too,” Frank said before thrusting once more and coming in his pants with a shout. He heard Gerard say something incomprehensible and felt him shudder against Frank, and then they were both still. They laid there for a few moments, breathing hard against each other. Frank discovered he loved the way Gerard smelled right after he came, something that was sweaty and hot and simply _Gerard_.

Eventually, Frank rolled off Gerard and laid beside him. “I feel like a fuckin’ teenager,” he said, but he was smiling wide. He turned his head to see Gerard looking at him, also grinning. They held their eye contact for a moment before Frank asked, “D’ you– do you want to stay the night?”

Gerard’s eyes widened and his smile faltered, but he didn’t look away. “Y–yeah. I’d love that.” He smiled again and Frank smiled back.

They climbed up off the floor and into bed, stripping off their clothes as they went. Frank watched Gerard pull his shirt over his head, finally able to do so and not feel like a complete creep. They cuddled up together under the covers and Frank felt Gerard’s warm naked body against his own. For the first time in weeks he felt content. He hoped the feeling would last.

~

They awoke in the early hours of the morning, slightly shifting against each other. Frank rubbed his eyes and propped himself up on his elbow. He looked to the window and saw the light that was just starting to seep through, drinking in the calm of the city before it woke. Gerard let out a small groan from beside him. Frank looked down and took in a sharp breath.  _He's so fucking gorgeous,_ he thought, noticing the way Gerard's hair fell over his eyes. His skin was glowing in the morning light and Frank wanted nothing more than to press his lips to every inch he could find. 

He was about to give into this temptation when Gerard shifted, rolling his hips a little, and his ass brushed up against Frank's half-hard cock. He sucked in another breath, and kept his eyes trained on Gerard's face. Gerard's lips curved into a coy smile, but his eyes stayed closed. 

"Sleep well, babe?" he asked, his voice rough and unused since the night before. 

 _The night before, fuck!_  Frank thought, remembering how their evening ended. "Yeah. You?" This was different from last night. They weren't drunk, they didn't have plausible deniability, and it made Frank's heart beat fast just to think about what it would mean if something happened between them in this bed. 

"Better than ever." Gerard finally opened his bright green eyes and looked at Frank. There was a pause where they drank in the view of each other. "Kiss me, you idiot." 

Frank chuckled. "Don't have to ask me twice." He bent forward and placed lazy kisses on Gerard. They smiled against each other's mouths, neither enjoying the bitter taste of hangover but too happy to stop. "You taste like shit," Frank said lightly. 

"You should taste your own mouth, fucker." Gerard laughed softly and kissed Frank again before pulling back. "I _feel_ like shit." Gerard groaned. 

"Yeah, me too. What time is it?" Frank asked, looking for the clock on the bedside table. "Six a.m. Jesus what's wrong with us."  

"Too horny to sleep, that's our problem." 

They were silent for a moment, each thinking about the truth of the words and wondering if it was worth it to act on them. 

Before Frank could decide, Gerard spoke again. "How do we do this?" He said, looking at Frank. "You and me." 

Frank let out a long breath. "I dunno. Does anything have to change?" 

Gerard seemed to contemplate the idea. "No. No, I guess not." He grinned at Frank and Frank smiled back. "Go back to sleep," Gerard said after a pause. 

Frank nodded and laid back down beside Gerard, feeling himself start to slip back into unconsciousness.

"Frank?" Gerard said tentatively.  

"Yeah?" Frank said with eyes closed, too tired to open them again. 

"I wanted this so bad." Gerard's confession made Frank's heart hurt. He could hear the longing in his voice, the need finally bursting through denial. 

"Me too," he said. He thought Gerard had more to say, but if he did he didn't say it out loud. They fell asleep just as a light rain began to fall outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna make it clear that Frank and Gerard were at the same level of drunkenness. There was no power imbalance between them and no coercion at all. And as you can tell from the scene the following morning, they both want to be together, Gerard is just more worried about it than Frank.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for 100 kudos! Means a lot.
> 
> The thing Frank says about wanting to piss off those dudes in the audience was something Gerard said in an interview I want to say in like 2011 or something.
> 
> Sorry for the philosophy references. I'm a nerd for that shit.

After that night, some things changed and other didn’t. Things were the same in that the band operated as they did before; Gerard still flirted with Frank as well as everyone else on stage, and no one suspected that anything was going on between the two of them. Except maybe Bob and Mikey. And Ray. And Brian. But nobody said anything about it.

Things were different in the stolen kisses backstage and on the bus when no one was looking. They were different in the way Frank and Gerard could look at each other and not be embarrassed when they were caught. They were different in the words that were constantly on the tip of Frank’s tongue, begging to be said out loud. They were different in that Frank had never been happier, and he was pretty sure Gerard felt the same.

It had been a few days since their last hotel night, having played Portland, Sacramento and a few smaller towns in between, and now they were gearing up to play Oakland. If he was being honest, Frank hated California. It was so fake and commercialized and _sweltering_ that he couldn’t stand it most of the time. But if any city could change his mind about the state, it was this one.

They were set to play a fucking huge arena, probably the biggest one so far. Frank was thankful it was indoors, as the California summer heat would be real bitch to deal with if it wasn’t. They’d been struggling with the heat for days now as the temperature had increased on their drive down the coast and the air-conditioning on their bus was still broken. When they’d left Seattle, it was cool enough that they didn’t have to remove all their clothes just to be comfortable, but that had soon changed and they had reverted back to their old habits.

Currently, Frank was laying in his bed in his boxers with a new book Mikey had loaned him: Kierkegaard’s Fear and Trembling. He saw the curtains flicker a bit and then Gerard’s face appeared between them. He smiled, and Gerard returned it.

“Can I join you?” he asked.

They hadn’t been together in a bunk in a long time, since before this all started, and it made Frank a little nervous but he wasn’t about to turn Gerard down. “Sure,” he said and scooted over to make room.

Gerard climbed up into the bunk, and Frank saw that he was also only wearing boxers. He swallowed and looked back at his book, trying to remember the fact that there were a lot of other people on this bus, probably all within earshot. Gerard settled in next to Frank and pulled the sheet over them, knowing that it would comfort Frank even though it was way too hot.

“New book?” he asked, trying to get a look at the cover.

“Yeah,” Frank said and turned it so Gerard could see. He laughed, remembering the last time Gerard caught him reading. “You never got to read that Dostoyevsky book, did you?”

Gerard smiled. “No, and I don’t think Mikey would let me after Bob told him we almost destroyed it.”

“Who’s ‘we’? _I_ certainly didn’t attack anybody,” he said jokingly.

Gerard chuckled at the memory. He cuddled up next to Frank and laid his head down on Frank’s shoulder. “Read it to me,” he said.

Frank sucked in a breath and turned back to the page he was on. “‘Is there a teleological suspension of the ethical? The ethical as such is the universal, and as the universal it applies to everyone…’” he continued for a few pages until he heard light snoring from the body beside him. He looked down to see Gerard’s eyes had closed and his mouth was slightly open. Frank smiled, and went back to reading his book silently.

~

At some point, Frank must have fallen asleep beside Gerard because the next thing he knew Mikey was shaking them awake. Frank blinked slowly, trying to adjust to the light, and Gerard stirred beside him but didn’t seem to be waking as easily.

“Hey, guys. We just got to Oakland. We’ve got a press conference in, like, half an hour or something.”

“Thanks, Mikes,” Frank said. Mikey nodded and looked down at Gerard, reaching out to shake him again. “No, ‘s okay. I got it,” Frank assured him. Mikey nodded again and left them alone.

Frank looked at Gerard’s sleepy face as he started to slip back into his dreams. He wanted nothing more than to watch Gerard sleep peacefully but he knew Gerard would want as much time as possible to get ready. Slowly, Frank leaned down and kissed Gerard. It was soft, gentle, and not meant to lead to anything more but when Frank went to pull back, Gerard moved a hand to the back of Frank’s head and kept them pressed together.

“Mmm,” Gerard moaned against their lips and opened his mouth to Frank. Frank eagerly did the same and their tender kissing quickly turned to messy making out.

“Fuck,” Frank said, finally breaking away. Gerard’s pupils were blown wide with lust and he looked at Frank like he was his fucking moon and sun. Frank couldn’t get enough of it and it broke his heart to tell Gerard they didn’t have any time. “We have to get up. Interview.”

Gerard’s face fell. “Damn it,” he said and moved to sit up.

“Wait,” Frank said before latching his lips onto Gerard’s neck and leaving another dark hickey. No one had said anything about the last one he left, not even to make fun of Gerard for hooking up with someone in secret. Frank knew it was risky to keep pushing their luck but he loved seeing the marks he left on Gerard’s skin too much to stop making them.

Gerard moaned as Frank continued to suck on his neck. “ _Frankie,”_ he breathed.

“Shh,” Frank said, pulling back. “Go put your makeup on, but _don’t_ cover that up,” he said, his voice dark.

Gerard bit his lip and nodded before getting out of bed.

Frank sat back and let out a long breath. _Fucking hell, he’s so hot_ , he thought and looked down at his tenting boxers. He pressed his palm to his erection before he could stop himself and groaned at the contact.

“Frank, get the fuck outta bed!” Bob yelled from somewhere on the bus.

Frank sighed and pulled himself up and out of the bunk, grabbing a pair of jeans and slipping them on as fast as he could before someone had the chance to notice his boner. He pulled on the rest of his clothes and made his way to the front of the bus where everyone was waiting for Gerard.

“Fuckin’ drama queen. Can’t leave without putting on two pounds of makeup,” Bob grumbled.

Frank wanted to defend Gerard, but he didn’t know how to without making it obvious that he was way too protective. Plus, Bob was kinda right. Instead, Frank stuck his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor.

Finally, the bathroom door opened and Gerard stepped out. Frank turned around and his breath caught in his throat. _Jesus fucking Christ he’s beautiful_ , he thought as he took in Gerard. He hadn’t even done anything new with his appearance, but his usual eyeliner and his tight clothes still made Frank’s heart beat fast.

Frank noticed that no one else was paying as much attention to Gerard as him and he felt like yelling at them to acknowledge Gerard. Gerard deserved to have all eyes on him, and it felt wrong that Frank’s were all he got. Gerard didn’t seem unhappy, though. He smiled at Frank and joined the rest of them as they climbed off the bus and into the van.

Gerard and Frank didn’t sit together. They’d talked about it and decided they should make as few changes as possible, and seeing as how they rarely sat together on van rides before, they took their usual places: Frank in the back, Gerard in the front.

Frank tried to hold a conversation with Ray for the ride over, but he couldn’t stop himself from sneaking looks at Gerard, who was talking animatedly with Brian. Frank loved to see Gerard when he was having an enjoyable conversation, the way his eyes lit up and the corners of them would crinkle a bit.

“Frank? You there, buddy?” Ray asked and Frank realized he hadn’t been paying attention to anything Ray was saying.

“Sorry. What did you just say?” Frank said, tearing his eyes away from Gerard.

Ray gave him a look, but didn’t comment. He just launched into a conversation about some guitar shop in L.A. he wanted to visit when they stopped there. Frank nodded his way through it, trying his best not to go back to staring at Gerard.

They arrived just in time for their press conference and clambered out of the van. They shook some hands, took some pictures, and finally sat down in their seats on the panel. Frank looked out at the small group of reporters who had come to ask questions and noticed that, while some of them were definitely the usual young, inexperienced journalists for teen-oriented publications, there were some new faces in the crowd that were older, more serious and professional. It always took Frank by surprise when he saw the growth in his band’s notoriety. The first time they had played a big show he had stood stock-still on stage before remembering how to play, and he had done the same thing the first time they were recognized in public. Every time something like that happened it hit him that they were really doing this, they had made it big, and they were going to get even bigger. He smiled, knowing that the faith he had had in this band from the beginning was paying off.

Frank was on the end of the table with Ray in between him and Gerard, who was seated in the middle. They never sat next to each other for things like this either, so he figured it wasn’t a good idea to start now, especially being in public. It didn’t really matter, though, because one of the first questions they got had to do with their relationship.

“Gerard and Frank, I’m sure you’ve noticed that quite a few of your fans have started taking your stage antics very seriously, and have become convinced that you two have a romantic relationship offstage. What do you think of these rumors?” It was one of the older reporters who asked the question, which took Frank by surprise. He would expect something like that from one of the teen magazines, not a serious music journalist.

Frank shifted in his seat. They needed to handle this carefully, not letting on anything to the public or the other guys that something actually _was_ going on, but Frank also knew he needed to be delicate as the last time he hadn’t stood up for his relationship with Gerard it did not go well. “I mean, we started doing it because of a certain contingent of our audience, one that was made up of super-masculine dudes who would fight each other in the pit. We thought it would be funny if they turned around after defending their honor to someone who called them ‘gay’ or whatever to see us on stage making out. We didn’t expect people to take it seriously,” Frank said finally. He held his breath, hoping he hadn’t given away too much, and that no one was noticing the hickey he had given Gerard earlier that day.

“Yeah, it really started as a way to piss those guys off, because they’re not exactly the kind of people we like to see at our shows,” Gerard said, and Frank let out the air he’d been holding in.

The rest of the interview passed without incident. Frank answered a few questions about the specifics of the guitars he uses and Mikey actually got a question about how he gets his hair to look the way it does onstage, but otherwise Gerard did most of the talking. They finally got to return to the van but unfortunately had to go straight to the venue for soundcheck.

Brian brought them food during a break and Frank realized that he was starving, not having gotten the chance to eat so far that day. He devoured his vegan burrito before being approached by a stage hand with a question about some of the gear and he spent a few minutes explaining exactly how to set up a few amps. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Gerard watching him. He finished his explanation to the tech and then turned to look at Gerard. Gerard was shamelessly staring at him now, his eyes dark.

“Break’s over, let’s get back to it,” Brian called and Frank and Gerard broke their eye contact to rejoin the group.

~

“You’re so fuckin’ hot when you tell people what to do,” Gerard said as he slammed Frank up against the wall after soundcheck. They were in a dark hallway somewhere backstage, away from everyone else. Gerard sucked on a spot under Frank’s jaw and Frank’s eyes nearly rolled back.

“You want me to boss you around?” Frank choked out, trying to concentrate on forming sentences rather than the amazing feeling of Gerard’s breath against his neck.

Gerard pulled back to him, his eyes wide and lustful. “Yeah,” he said, kissing Frank and nibbling a little on his lip ring. “Yeah, I do.”

Frank moaned at the thought of controlling Gerard. “Get on your knees.”

Gerard whimpered and sank down so that his face was level with Frank’s crotch. He slowly pulled down Frank’s zipper, eyes locked on Frank’s. Frank’s mouth fell open when Gerard finally slid Frank’s pants down and pulled his cock free. This was the first time Gerard had touched him, really touched him, and it felt amazing. Gerard gave him a few slow strokes, still looking right at Frank.

“Stop teasing me, fucker,” Frank said.

Gerard chuckled and looked straight ahead. “Fuck, you’re huge,” he said before taking the tip of Frank’s cock in his mouth. He looked up at Frank again as he sucked a little on the head, sliding his tongue over the slit.

“Fucking Jesus Christ.” Frank sighed and tried to control himself. He had been close to bucking forward a few times already and didn’t want to hurt Gerard, especially right before a show, so he tried his hardest not to make any sudden movements. Still, he couldn’t stop the way his hips rolled, trying to get Gerard to take more of him into his mouth.

Gerard complied, sinking down nearly all the way before slowly pulling back. “You can move, you know. I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Frank said, his voice breathy.

“Yeah,” Gerard said, and then smiled deviously, “I’ve been told I’m pretty good at this.” He took Frank’s dick back into his mouth and sank down again.

“I don’t wanna know who they are but they’re fucking _right_ ,” Frank said and started to buck into the wet heat of Gerard’s mouth.

Gerard moved his hands to Frank’s hips and held on as Frank moved faster. He gagged a little, but didn’t move to pull away. Frank threaded his hands in Gerard’s hair and tugged, causing Gerard to let out a moan. _It’s fucking hot that he likes his hair pulled_ , Frank thought and made a note to do it whenever they were alone together.

A few minutes later, Gerard took one of his hands and slid it under Frank’s shirt, feeling the skin of Frank’s belly. Frank moaned louder when Gerard’s hand reached up and grasped one of his nipples. His head fell back and his eyes closed, feeling incredibly close now. 

“Gerard, I’m gonna–”

“Mmm,” Gerard hummed around his cock and twisted Frank’s nipple slightly.

That was all it took before Frank was coming down Gerard’s throat with a rough moan. Gerard continued to suck slightly until Frank winced as his dick became hyper-sensitive in the wake of his orgasm. Gerard sat back and licked his lips, looking up at Frank. He got to his feet and pressed himself against Frank, meeting him in a sloppy kiss. Frank groaned at the feeling of Gerard’s hard length pressing into him and the taste of his own cum in Gerard’s mouth.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Frank said when Gerard pulled back. He reached down to pull his pants up and button them, and when he was done he pressed his palm to Gerard’s hardness.

Gerard moaned against Frank’s lips, their mouths centimeters apart. “I– fuck. I don’t think we have time,” Gerard said.

“Shit,” Frank said and checked the time on his phone. They only had about a minute before they needed to start getting ready to go on. “I’m sorry, Gee.”

“No, no. ‘S okay. Hotel night tonight,” he reminded Frank.

“Fuck yeah, I totally forgot,” Frank said and kissed Gerard once more, this time soft and closed-mouthed. Every time he kissed Gerard like this he tried to say, “I love you” without words, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted so badly to tell Gerard how he felt but didn’t want to move too fast. He could tell Gerard was still getting used to not being ashamed of them being together and making decisions about their relationship behind the band’s back, and Frank didn’t want to scare him. They pulled apart and Frank looked into Gerard’s eyes for a moment, trying to appear encouraging. Gerard smiled, and took Frank’s hand as they went to get ready for the show.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw Frank play in San Francisco he said that "living in California sucked the life out of me" but that he really liked playing shows in the Bay and that the fans are great here. So maybe he would like Oakland this much, who knows.

Frank decided that he loved Oakland. Not all of California, that was for sure. But definitely Oakland. The crowd was one of the best they’d ever had and everyone the met was so damn _nice_ it was ridiculous. They were a pretty humble band; they didn’t ask for a lot of fancy stuff backstage or in the dressing rooms, but it was always nice when a venue provided some free snacks or something like that. And Oakland came through. They were given food, shirts, event posters, tiny fans to cool themselves down with, the works.

Frank was living it up on stage, drinking in the roar of the crowd and the sound of Gerard’s voice, somewhat rough even though it had been sounding better recently. Frank guessed the gravellyness had something to do with what they had been doing backstage earlier, and Frank smirked at the thought.

Gerard seemed to be paying more attention to Frank than usual. At one point, he ditched his own mic to share Frank’s and their mouths were so close Frank wanted nothing more than to cut out the middle man and make out with Gerard right there. He knew that was a very bad idea but he couldn’t help thinking Gerard would be into it. Frank kept catching Gerard staring at him, eyes dark, and whenever he did Gerard would come up to him and grind on him or ruffle his hair or, on one occasion, kiss Frank’s neck.

It was so fun and natural that Frank was able to forget about what anyone else thought. He wished they could act like this all the time, but the stage was the only place they could be publicly affectionate and be able to pass it off as an act for the crowd. Frank hated pretending. He hated not being his authentic self and not being able to voice his true feelings. He’d been covering up a lot of things that were going on with him recently, and he was tired of it. But being on stage with Gerard eased him a little. He could see the desire in Gerard’s eyes when they found Frank’s, and that was almost enough for Frank to be content with Gerard not knowing how much Frank loved him.

They finished the show, and Frank was sad to leave the stage for once. If he could, he would stay out there forever, playing for that crowd and messing around with Gerard. But as they were walking back to the van, Frank felt Gerard rub up against him, and he knew the messing around wasn’t over yet. Frank hoped no one noticed what Gerard was doing, as this was pretty unusual for them, but they were at the back of the group and no one seemed to be looking.

Gerard walked close behind Frank, one hand on Frank’s hip. He leaned in and his lips brushed against Frank’s ear. “I can’t fucking wait to get back to the hotel.”

“Me–” Frank’s voice came out as barely a whisper and he cleared his throat, hoping it would help. “Me neither,” he said, more sure of himself.

“Gonna be so good to you. Gonna make you fall apart, Frankie,” Gerard said, his voice dark and his breath hot on Frank’s neck.

“Shit, Gee,” was all Frank could say in response.

Gerard pulled back and didn’t say anything else to Frank as they neared the van. They didn’t sit together, and Frank bounced his knee and stared out the window, willing the ride to go faster so he could be back near Gerard. Finally, they arrived at their hotel and headed towards their rooms. Frank tried to communicate silently with Gerard when they each were unlocking their room doors, wanting to ask where and when Gerard wanted him, but for some reason Gerard wouldn’t meet his eye. Frank pushed into his room and breathed a sigh of relief to see that his bag had been brought up while they’d been away so he would have clean clothes to change into.

Frank sat down on the bed. He didn’t know if Gerard wanted to meet up right away or if he should shower first. He took his phone out of his pocket and crafted a few fragments of messages to Gerard, but deleted all of them, never finding the right words to say. He stared at his phone for another minute before it suddenly buzzed and a text popped up.

“Shower, then come to my room,” it said. Frank inhaled and was about to respond when he got a second message. “Don’t put on any clothes before coming over.”

Frank slowly let out the air he had been holding in. He had no fucking clue what Gerard was on. He wanted Frank to just waltz out in the hallway and knock on his door buck naked? Still, Frank had to admit that, no matter how hot it was to boss Gerard around, it turned him on to no end when Gerard did the same to him.

Frank sent a quick “ok” and hopped in the shower, trying not to think about what would hopefully be happening later. He didn’t want to get too worked up before he was even with Gerard, so instead he thought about a new riff he had come up with earlier that day and what kind of bass line might go well with it.

After stepping out of the shower, he toweled himself dry and then dropped the towel at his feet. Frank looked down. He couldn’t imagine walking out in the hallway like this, but he also couldn’t imagine Gerard opening the door and being disappointed that he hadn’t obeyed. Frank left the bathroom and walked to the door, resting his hand on the nob. He let out a breath and turned it, deciding that if anyone caught him he could pretend he’d been locked out as a joke by his friends or something. Frank peeked around the door and saw that the hallway was vacated. He quickly stepped across the threshold and to Gerard’s room next door, knocking twice.

The door didn’t open. Frank didn’t hear anything from inside. He started to panic. At any second someone could come around the corner and see him standing like this. He moved his hand to knock again but just before he could, the door opened.

Gerard stood on the other side, fully clothed in a t-shirt and pajama pants. He smirked at Frank, raking his eyes all the way up Frank’s body.

Frank gulped. “C–can I come in?”

“Of course, sugar,” Gerard said and moved to the side.

Frank blushed nervously and stepped into the room, trying not to brush up against Gerard. Gerard slowly closed the door, almost daring someone to walk by and see Frank standing naked just inside. Frank stood behind him, staring at Gerard’s back. After what seemed like a lifetime, Gerard turned around. He drank in the view of Frank again, but with a much softer expression this time.

“God you’re fuckin’ beautiful,” he breathed. Gerard moved toward Frank, laying his hands on Frank’s chest and spreading his fingers. He stared at the ink on Frank’s body, admiring the art. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet Frank’s and they held their eye contact for a moment. Gerard leaned forward and kissed Frank softly on the lips. Frank’s eyes slipped closed and he rested his hands on Gerard’s hips. Frank felt Gerard chuckle against his lips. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”

“How am I gonna resist you?” Frank opened his eyes to look at Gerard. “You know, I’m feelin’ a little weird here being the only naked one.”

Gerard chuckled again. “Fair enough,” he said, stepping back to take off his shirt.

Now it was Frank’s turn to take in Gerard, all smooth edges and soft skin. He didn’t know his mouth was hanging open until Gerard gently closed it with his hand, lifting Frank’s chin so their eyes met. Suddenly, they were kissing again, more intense than before. Gerard pulled Frank’s lower lip between his teeth and bit hard enough to make Frank let out an embarrassingly high-pitched sound. Gerard placed both his hands on Frank’s bare ass and pulled him closer so their bodies were flush against each other, Frank’s growing hard-on rubbing up against Gerard’s soft pajama pants.

Frank let out a low growl at the friction and suddenly maneuvered Gerard in the direction of the bed, pushing him down when his calves hit the edge. Frank stood over Gerard, still feeling exposed but the power dynamic had definitely shifted. He leaned in a placed his hands on the bed beside Gerard, pressing him back as Frank kissed him hard. Gerard scooted up the bed and Frank followed until they resting against the pillows. Frank traced a hand down Gerard’s chest, pausing to tweak a nipple, which was rewarded with a whine from Gerard. He continued down, stroking over Gerard’s stomach and finally reaching the waistband of his pants. Frank hooked his fingers over the top and tugged. Gerard helped by kicking his pants the rest of the way off, so he was wearing only his boxers.

They hadn’t broken their kiss the entire time, but Frank pulled back now to look at Gerard. His eyes were heavy and dark, lips swollen, and looking like he wanted more. A lot more. Frank leaned forward and placed kisses down Gerard’s neck and chest, moving all the way to the bulge in his boxers. He pressed his lips to the cotton and Gerard let out a loud moan. Slowly, Frank slid Gerard’s boxers off, freeing his cock. He licked up from the base to the tip, keeping eye contact with Gerard who was breathing incredibly hard now, almost like he was starting to panic.

Frank paused. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. Fuck, yeah, I’m more than okay. Just…” Gerard trailed off. Frank look at him inquisitively. “I– I _really_ want this. Can’t believe it’s actually happening.” Gerard let out a shaky laugh that changed to a moan when Frank started sucking on his cock.

“Me too,” Frank said when he pulled off. He smiled and then sunk down again.

Gerard’s eyes rolled back in his head and Frank started to bob faster. Frank had to hold Gerard’s hips steady so he didn’t buck too hard into his mouth as he wasn’t as good at this as Gerard was. He felt kind of bad about it, but he was on the receiving end of blow jobs more often than not.

He could feel Gerard getting closer, and he started circling his tongue around the head of Gerard’s cock to encourage him. “Wait!” Gerard said suddenly. He looked down at Frank and pushed his fingers into Frank’s hair and gently pulled him back. “I– I don’t wanna come like this.”          

“You don’t?” Frank asked, confused.

“No, I want…”

Frank smirked and moved up so he was hovering above Gerard, their lips almost touching. “What do you want?” Frank said mischievously.

Gerard whimpered. “I want you to fuck me.”

Frank groaned and kissed Gerard again. “Anything for you, baby.”

“Mmm… Bedside table.” Gerard nodded to his right.

Frank pulled open the drawer and found a small bottle of lube and a box of condoms. “You were really planning for this weren’t you?”

“Well if you actually did turn up at my door naked I wanted to be ready.” Gerard laughed, his voice still a little unsteady.

Frank opened the box, took out a condom, and placed on the bed beside Gerard along with the bottle of lube. He closed the drawer and moved so he was propped up on his elbow on his side next to Gerard. Frank was reaching for the bottle of lube when Gerard caught his hand. Frank looked at him, confused, as Gerard brought Frank’s fingers to his mouth. He sucked three of them in, working them slowly with his tongue.

“Fucking hell, Gee,” Frank said. He could barely stand to look at Gerard like this, it was too damn hot.

After a minute Gerard let Frank have his fingers back, releasing them from his mouth with a pop. He grinned and licked his lips. Frank nearly died right then and there.

Frank scooted down the bed a little as Gerard bent his knees and opened his legs further. Frank settled in between Gerard’s hips and looked up at him with a finger poised at his entrance.

“You ready?” he asked.

“Yeah, fuck, _please_ ,” Gerard choked out.

Frank guessed, or more hoped, that Gerard hadn’t done this in a while, so he very slowly and carefully slid in his index finger. Gerard hissed, screwing his eyes closed, but urged Frank on. When Frank had the first finger all the way in he moved it a little, crooking his finger and watching as Gerard’s eyes shot open. Frank smiled and did it again.

“Frankie,” Gerard breathed out.

“Need something?” Frank asked with a smug smile.

“ _More,_ you asshole!” Gerard nearly yelled.

Frank chuckled. “Actually, I think it’s _your_ asshole we’re dealing with,” he said. He could tell Gerard was forming some witty comeback so he started sliding in a second finger to make him forget all about it.

Sure enough, instead of anything coherent coming out of Gerard’s mouth, there was just a string of moans and various expletives. Frank stopped once he had the second finger all the way in, letting Gerard get used to the stretch. Soon Gerard was encouraging him to move his fingers, and he complied, scissoring them and then curling them against that spot that made Gerard go crazy, adding a third finger after some time.

Frank was rolling his hips against the bed at this point, trying to find a little friction. Watching Gerard come apart like this was almost too much for him to deal with.

“ _More,_ Frankie,” Gerard moaned. “Please.”

“Fuck,” Frank said under his breath. He pulled his fingers out of Gerard and sat up on the bed. He opened the condom and rolled it on, and reached for the lube. While he was slathering on a liberal amount, he watched Gerard get up and move to where he was on his hands and knees, ass presented to Frank. Neither of them said anything, but Frank was silently thanking God for the man in front of him.

Frank moved between Gerard’s legs and placed a hand on Gerard’s lower back, encouraging him to relax. Gerard pushed back, eager to get started. Still, Frank resisted the urge to slam in right away and slowly, excruciatingly slowly, he pushed into Gerard until he bottomed out.

Gerard let out a low moan when Frank pulled out and started pushing in again, a tiny bit faster. “So good, Frank.”

“You too. Shit, you’re so tight.” Frank was worried he was already starting to babble, which always happened to him when he got close. He wasn’t close, though. Not yet. He just couldn’t stop himself from telling Gerard everything that was on his mind. “You’re so fuckin’ hot I can’t believe it. Pretty little ass.”

“Mmm…” Gerard started moaning louder as Frank’s pace picked up, and soon Frank was slamming into Gerard, thrust after thrust. “Fuck!” Gerard screamed when Frank hit his prostate dead on.

“You like that? Huh? That good? I hope it’s fuckin’ good because you fuckin’ deserve it,” Frank said with labored breaths. “Gonna fuck you into next week, baby. So fuckin’ good.” He fisted a hand into Gerard’s hair and pulled back, hard, earning a loud moan from Gerard.

Gerard began to chant Frank’s name on each thrust, voice slowly raising in pitch as he got closer and closer. “ _Fuck!_ Frank, ‘m so close.”

Frank let go of Gerard’s hair and instead wrapped it around his cock, pumping in time with his thrusts. “Come on, baby. Wanna make you feel so good. Wanna hear you scream my name.”

Frank was happy to hear “Frankie!” spill from Gerard’s lips as he came, clenching around Frank and thighs shaking. Frank fucked through Gerard’s orgasm, knowing he was close to his own. His babble was quickly becoming worse as he listed off the many things about Gerard he found attractive, though he wasn’t sure Gerard could hear or understand him.

A few thrusts later and Frank was on the verge of coming hard inside Gerard, and he just couldn’t stop himself. He was too far gone. “Ah, shit, Gee. I love you so fuckin’ much,” he said as he came.

Frank thrusted feebly a few more times before pulling out of Gerard and collapsing beside him. Gerard slowly sank onto his stomach on the bed, his cheek resting on the pillows and facing away from Frank. Frank wish he knew what Gerard was thinking, and considered apologizing for what he said as he didn’t want to pressure Gerard, but instead he got up to take off the condom and throw it away. When he turned around, Gerard was looking at him. His face was clouded over with something Frank couldn’t identify, and that scared him.

“Why did you say it?” Gerard asked after some time.

“Because it’s true,” Frank said simply. Gerard seemed to consider this for a while, but he didn’t say anything back. Frank decided he had a question of his own that needed answering, so he approached the bed and sat down beside Gerard. “Why did you pretend to be asleep?”

Gerard looked away, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to form an answer. Finally, he looked at Frank again. “I don’t know.”

Frank wasn’t satisfied with Gerard’s answer, but he didn’t push it. He nudged Gerard to scoot over so he could cuddle up beside him. Frank wrapped an arm around Gerard’s shoulders and Gerard laid his head on Frank’s chest.

“I don’t think I’m going to be very good at this,” Gerard said. Frank could hear the sadness in his voice. “I can’t say it back, I don’t know why.”

“Shh.” Frank stroked Gerard’s hair, trying to comfort him. “It’s okay.” It hurt that Gerard couldn’t reciprocate Frank’s feelings, at least not out loud, but Frank knew right now it was most important to make Gerard feel safe and not like he was being pressured into something.

Gerard didn’t say anything else, and the two of them once again fell asleep in each other’s arms, wrapped up in their own thoughts.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about this one, guys. I didn't set out for this to be a sad fic it just sort of happened.
> 
> By the way the end of the story is finally starting to take shape (it's happy, I promise!) and I think this fic will have about 17 chapters. Maybe 18. I also might write a short epilogue as a separate work. I'll keep you posted!
> 
> Also, please let me know what you thought of the previous chapter. I'm really curious lol.

Their trip down the coast went well. Or, at least, mostly well. As much as Frank enjoyed Oakland, he did _not_ enjoy Los Angeles, and to his disappointment Gerard suggested they might want to relocate the band there if things got any more serious. They were already out in L.A. to record and perform all the time anyway, and the cost of travelling across the country was really starting to add up. But Frank was incredibly apprehensive about moving there permanently and didn’t think he could ever be happy in the city, and knew he could only do it if he had Gerard by his side. The idea but a bad taste in his mouth and a knot at the pit of his stomach. Big things were happening for the bad and for once Frank wasn’t happy about it.

Their shows in L.A. and San Diego had gone well, though they’d both been outdoors in the unbelievably hot SoCal weather. They also didn’t have any hotel nights until they hit the East Coast, so things had been pretty rough. The sweltering shows and bus rides through the night without at any time to unwind was really starting to put everyone on edge. To cope, Frank tried to sleep as much as he could during the day, staying up late reading or writing music at night when it was cooler and he could be alone.

Things were difficult with Gerard. Worth it, for sure, but still difficult. Frank found himself constantly making compromises because he didn’t want Gerard to feel like they were moving too fast. They slept in the same bunk a few times per week, but usually only after a really exhausting show when Gerard fell asleep next to Frank after hanging out. Frank wished they could spend the night together all the time, but it seemed Gerard needed the deniability that it had been an accident for them to fall asleep together. Frank had asked once if he join Gerard in his bunk for the night and Gerard had hesitated, though he didn’t object, but Frank let it go and hadn’t asked since.

It hurt, knowing his was giving more than Gerard was, that he was _trying_ harder than Gerard was, but Frank was willing to take what he could get. Those nights where he could feel Gerard breathing deeply next to him as they slept or when they had some time alone to make out and maybe do something more made it all worth it. “Something more” usually wasn’t all that much, though. They hadn’t had a chance to do anything like they had during the hotel night in Oakland and it was killing Frank that they had only been that intimate once and probably wouldn’t get another chance to for a while, especially because recently it had felt like Gerard was avoiding him. All Frank could do was bide his time and try to be at ease with their current relationship, but it was impossible if he dwelled on it for more than a few seconds. He was aching to have a simple relationship where they went on dates and they cuddled and they fucked like normal people, but that was impossible. They were stuck here, on this stupid broken bus travelling to cities they didn’t know with a bunch of other guys who didn’t know they were together. Their relationship could never be simple.

But the end of the tour was in sight. With just under two weeks left, the guys could almost taste home. They had started their trek across the Southern United States, playing Phoenix, Albuquerque, and Dallas, and were now well on their way towards the East Coast. They had shows lined up in Jackson, Birmingham, Atlanta, and Charleston before they headed up toward New England. New Jersey was right around the corner, but before they got there they would have to slog through the suffocating heat of the South, and they were already exhausted from playing shows in the sweltering states that lay behind them. Even though he generally enjoyed spending time in the deep South, Frank was dreading it. He knew these upcoming states would have them walking around Walmart just to bask in the air-conditioning. He also knew that with summer came bugs and animals and storms and everything else the plagued this region. He wasn’t ready for it. He was sort of glad they didn’t have any hotel nights because it meant they’d be passing right through each town and out of the south as quick as possible. But it also meant that he wouldn’t get to sleep without the heat pressing in on him, and it was getting progressively harder for Frank to get a wink in while he was sweating his balls off in his bunk.

He was doing just that at the moment, trying to get a nap in between soundcheck and the show which was way too far away. He was starting to get nervous, starting to let his thoughts about the upcoming show creep in. Sleeping was out of the question at this point, he was just too damn uncomfortable. Frank needed a new distraction.

“Shit!” someone yelled from the bunk across from Frank’s. There was some loud banging and the _thump_ of a body hitting the floor. “Fuck,” the voice said.

Frank opened his curtains and looked down to see Gerard sprawled out on the floor. “You okay?” he asked.

Gerard was breathing hard, laying on his back with a hand on his stomach. “Yeah,” he said between breaths. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just fell is all.”

Frank quickly climbed out of his bunk. “Here, let me help you up.”

Gerard grabbed Frank’s outstretched hand and stood up with Frank’s help. “Thanks,” he said when he was fully upright, he didn’t let go of Frank’s hand. “I, um. I had a really bad dream. ‘S why I fell.” He nodded towards his bunk.

“You wanna talk about it?” Frank asked tentatively. He knew Gerard could be pretty guarded about what went on in his head and didn’t want to make it seem like he was intruding.

“Not really. Can we sit in your bunk, though?”

Frank smiled. “Yeah, totally.” He let go of Gerard’s hand to climb back into his bunk and Gerard fallowed. They settled in to the bed, but didn’t cuddle up to each other, just laid with their eyes on the ceiling, shoulders touching.

There was silence for a while, and then Gerard said, “I fucked things up.” Frank looked at him, confused, and he quickly added, “In my dream, I mean.” Frank nodded and looked away. “I just didn’t know how to handle it. So I left. I left the band, I left my life… I left you.”

Frank swallowed. He didn’t like talking about this. “Why?” he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

“I don’t even know. It was just too much. I’m not… I’m not used to things working for me. I’m not used to things being good. It feels weird, not having to fight. Just being able to let things come as they are and have them actually go right for a change.” Gerard chuckled but there was no humor in it. “Things go right and they still feel wrong.”

Frank’s heart broke a little, knowing how much Gerard had gone through, how much struggle he had to have experienced for that way of living to become normal, comfortable. He looked at Gerard, silently begging for Gerard to look back at him. “You deserve everything, you know. You deserve for things to be good. To be right. And you deserve to not have to fight for them to be that way. You deserve it all.”

Gerard didn’t look at him, and Frank saw his eyes well up before he closed them tight. “I don’t. I don’t deserve _shit_ , Frank.”

“Gee–” Frank started, but Gerard cut him off.

“I think I need some space,” he said, his eyes snapping open, not brimming with tears anymore.

Frank’s eyes widened and he internally begged for this not to be happening. _Right when I finally fucking have something, it slips away_ , he thought. But he didn’t say anything.

Gerard refused to look at Frank. “I just need some time to figure out if this is right for me, if I can make it work.” Frank didn’t respond, even though he knew Gerard wanted him to. Gerard closed his eyes again, and a pained expressed passed over his face as he said, “I’m sorry.” 

It took a minute for Frank to process that he was alone, Gerard having vacated the bunk. “Jesus Christ,” he said to himself, staring angrily at the ceiling. _Why doesn’t anything ever work out for me?_

~

The days passed quicker than Frank would have expected. He read and he slept and they played shows and Gerard ignored him. He tried to block out the world as much as possible, keeping all interactions brief and shoving in his ear buds or burying his face in a book any time he thought someone might strike up a conversation with him. Above all, he tried to be unconscious as much as possible. It was getting really fucking hard to do that with the temperatures rising as they traveled East, but he still spent most of his time in his bunk, face to the wall, sheet up around his neck, eyes scrunched shut.

Being asleep meant he couldn’t feel the ache that gripped his heart whenever he was conscious. Being asleep meant he could forget how empty his bunk felt without Gerard sleeping next to him. Being asleep meant he could be with Gerard even if they weren’t when his dreams ended. He tried his best not to even look at Gerard because he felt like shit now whenever he got caught up in how beautiful the man was, because he knew Gerard probably didn’t want Frank to think about him like that when he wasn’t sure he wanted them to be together. So, he slept more hours per day than he had since they started the tour and before he knew it, five days had passed. Almost a whole week and he and Gerard had barely said a word to each other.

On the third day, Mikey had approached him, asking if everything was okay. Frank had brushed him off and now he wished he hadn’t. He could really use any advice Mikey had for winning his brother back, and now he felt weird asking for it. Still, he was dying not knowing how to operate around Gerard. So, while the guys were stopped at Target in Atlanta before their show later, Frank followed Mikey as he branched off in a separate direction from everybody else. He fell in step beside Mikey who didn’t seem at all surprised by Frank’s presence.

“God, the AC in here is so fucking nice,” Mikey said.

Frank took a second to appreciate the way the chilly air soothed him. “Hell yeah it is. This was a great idea.”

They needed exactly zero items from this store but they had decided to stop and escape the heat for a few hours before they needed to head to their venue later. Frank felt a little weird wandering the aisles aimlessly, but it seemed they weren’t alone. There were plenty of people with empty carts and hands that seemed content to browse for all eternity in the comfort of the Target air-conditioning. Frank smiled at a woman who looked at him knowingly from where she stood directly under an air vent. He was starting to feel like he might really like this town, despite the heat.

They walked in silence for a while, and then Mikey asked, “You wanna talk about anything?”

Frank let out a long stream of air. “Yeah,” he said finally.

There was a pause. “You wanna tell me what it is?” Mikey prodded.

Frank laughed nervously. “I don’t know what to do about Gee, man. It sucks.”

Mikey nodded. “I don’t think he knows what to do either. He won’t talk to me about it.”

Frank hadn’t expected that. It seemed like Gerard opened up to Mikey a lot more than he did to Frank these days, and he had been counting on what Mikey would know about the situation from Gerard’s confiding in him. But he guessed even Mikey had been shut out by Gerard as of late. “He’s really worried we’ll screw up the band. Which, I mean, I’m worried about that shit too but for some reason it’s coming down real hard on him.”

“I think that’s definitely part of it but… I don’t know. I think there’s something else,” Mikey said. “I mean, everyone kind of knows by now–”

Frank sputtered. “ _What_?”

“I mean, it’s pretty fuckin’ obvious,” Mikey said nonchalantly. “I haven’t talked to any of the other guys about it but I’m sure they’ve picked up on it. So if that’s all Gerard’s worried about then he should just get over it. Like, no one cares.” Mikey shrugged.

After Frank took a moment to pick his jaw up off the floor and try to contain his embarrassment, he admitted to Mikey, “No, it’s not just that.” Mikey looked at him as they continued circling the freezer department. Frank sighed. “He told me he feels like he doesn’t deserve for good things to happen to him. I dunno how to help him with that.”

Mikey looked forward again. “You just gotta make sure he knows you’re there for him. Find the right balance of space and support. I wouldn’t stay this distant, but don’t push him.”

“I’ve been trying so hard _not_ to push him!” Frank raked a hand through his hair. “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells whenever we’re together. Can’t let things get too serious.” He paused. “I accidentally told him I love him.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Of course.”

Mikey looked at him. “Then it wasn’t an accident.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be out of town until Sunday (7/30) and I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write. I'm planning on updating at least once while I'm gone but I might not get a chance to post more than that. 
> 
> I hope you all had a good MCR day! I realized that I should have put that on the previous chapter as that was posted actually on the day and forgot haha. To celebrate I rewatched Life on the Murder Scene and it took me three hours to get through it because I kept crying. I'm a mess.

Maybe it was wishful thinking or the heat getting to him or just pure desperation, but Frank could have sworn Gerard was warming back up to him. He would catch Gerard looking at him sometimes, and Gerard would immediately blush and look away. He would hear Gerard pause outside his bunk once in a while, maybe contemplating whether or not he should pull back the curtains to talk to Frank, like he used to. They actually started interacting on stage again, much to the excitement of their fans and the rabid reporters who hounded them with questions about their relationship. Things were maybe, just maybe, on the way to getting better between them, but Frank was still achingly uncomfortable.

He hated to admit it, but during his regular after-show showers he had taken to jerking off to his memories of Gerard. It made him feel dirty, like he was reliving these memories Gerard wanted him to forget, but he couldn’t get the man out of his head. The feeling of his lips and his throat and his body and his _ass_ all tight and hot around him made Frank crazy to think about. It felt like forever since they fucked and Frank couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life never experiencing that euphoria again.

They only had a few days left on the tour, and Frank was worried once they weren’t around each other all the time anymore, his relationship with Gerard would fizzle. They had one more hotel night before they went home, in Washington, and Frank knew it probably wouldn’t fix everything but he was damned willing to give it a shot. He just had to get through the next 24 hours until they reached D.C. and then hopefully Gerard would tell him what was going on. Frank decided that even if it was bad news, even if Gerard didn’t want to be together, it would be better than not talking at all. Maybe if they had a break after the tour he could forget about all this and things could go back to normal. But if he just let Gerard escape without another word, he knew this heartache would never fade. He needed the outright rejection, if that was what Gerard wanted, so he could move on.

Frank was just finishing up applying his stage makeup in the dressing room when Gerard entered. Frank caught Gerard’s eye in the mirror. _Fuck_ , he thought. At that moment, all his ideas about gracefully accepting rejection crashed down and he knew that “moving on” was not an option for him. If Gerard didn’t want to be together, fine. He couldn’t force that. But Frank knew he would never find someone that made him feel the way Gerard did. One look and his gut was clenched tight, trying and failing to keep the butterflies in check. His mind was moving a mile a minute, trying to think of something to say, trying to decide if saying something was better than saying nothing at all.

Gerard held his gaze for a few moments, frozen in the doorway. They hadn’t been alone together in a while, and suddenly the large dressing room felt way too small. Finally, Gerard dropped his eyes from Frank’s and pushed into the room. He took a spot along the bench in front of the mirror a few feet from Frank and put the finishing touches on his already perfect-looking makeup.

Frank tried his best to ignore Gerard, but he couldn’t stop himself from taking a peek every once in a while. The guy was gorgeous, and Frank found he loved watching him get ready. He loved the way Gerard made faces in the mirror when he made a mistake, or how his eyelashes fluttered while he applied and smudged his eyeliner to perfection. He knew Gerard was never quite satisfied with his appearance, and Frank longed to tell him just how good he looked. Frank wished Gerard could see himself through Frank’s eyes.

Frank realized with a start that he had been holding his black eyeliner pencil near his right eye for the past two minutes without putting any of it on as he watched Gerard, and he quickly checked the mirror to see that his makeup wasn’t going to get any better with his lacking skills and put the pencil down. Gerard had introduced him to stage makeup. He’d always been interested in makeup, and could make a damn good movie monster if the occasion called for it, but the careful process of taking pencils and brushes to the skin wasn’t something that followed from silicone prosthetics and splattered paint, at least for him. He thought back to when Gerard used to do his makeup for him, how Gerard’s legs would brush up against his own as he leaned forward and scrutinized his work. That had been so long ago, Frank hadn’t even appreciated Gerard being so close to him. He hadn’t thought about Gerard that way back then and he chastised himself for it.

Frank stared at himself in the mirror and sighed. _Why do I have to have such bad timing?_ he thought. If he had been more keen on Gerard earlier, maybe they could have had something without the consequences of an established deep friendship and an already-tense band dynamic to maintain looming over their heads. But Frank had only just caught onto how perfect Gerard was for him, and he couldn’t believe how stupid his younger self had been. How had he not seen how beautiful Gerard was? How had he fucked around with random guys and not appreciated the man who was there for him through it all?

“We should get going,” Gerard said, the silence between them broken.

Frank checked his phone and saw that they were supposed to be backstage, like, _now_. “Shit, yeah. Let’s go.”

Gerard moved towards the door and did something that surprised the hell out of Frank: he held his hand out and smiled. Frank stared for a moment before scrambling to slide his hand into Gerard’s, and they walked out the dressing room door together.

~

They rocked the house that night in Charlotte. Despite the heat of the South, they were able to escape it in a cool, air-conditioned indoor arena. The fans really went for it and Frank was happy to see the way the second half of their tour had turned out, with many more good shows than bad ones.

Gerard seemed to be having a good show, too. He was all high-energy, making up new harmonies and even throwing in some brand-new lyrics in a few places. The best part, though, was the way he acted around Frank. Recently, he’d been a little friendlier than the complete shut-down they’d had after he said he needed space, but this show was something else. Gerard grinded on Frank during three separate songs, even going so far as to lick his neck at one point. Frank didn’t initiate anything out of fear of pushing things too far, but he certainly gave back as good as he got when Gerard was on him.

When the show ended, Frank saw _that look_ in Gerard’s eyes, and he wished that tonight was their hotel night. He hoped this meant Gerard had made his decision, and that it was that he wanted to give this, whatever _this_ was, a shot. Frank was so wrapped up in his thoughts about Gerard and what was happening between them that he didn’t even realize he hadn’t made his usual beeline to the bathroom to shower; he had accidentally followed everyone else back to the bunks and now stood in a daze as the other guys started taking off their clothes.

Frank quickly opened his drawer and pulled out a clean pair of boxers before attempting an escape to the bathroom, but just as he turned towards the door he saw Brian shut it behind him. Frank sighed and decided to forgo the shower for tonight. He knew he wouldn’t want to go in there after one of Brian’s famous, noxious-smelling dumps. Frank started to pull his clothes off, careful not to look around him as the other guys did the same. He almost succeeded. Almost.

While he was peeling off his sweaty, tight jeans Frank took a quick glance behind him and nearly fell over at what he saw. Gerard was also taking off his pants, and Frank could see Gerard’s hard cock through his sweaty underwear. He got it, the adrenaline from shows just _did_ things to you sometimes, but then he started thinking about how Gerard had acted on stage, grinding on him and licking his neck, and he could help thinking that maybe _he_ was the reason Gerard was turned on.

Frank quickly averted his eyes and kicked his pants off the rest of the way, trying to remind himself that he couldn’t jump Gerard with the other guys right here. Gerard probably wouldn’t be into it anyway. _He was probably just doing it for show, he doesn’t think about you that way anymore_ , Frank tried to convince himself.

Sleep didn’t come for Frank that night. He hadn’t exactly expected to fall asleep at a normal time as he hadn’t slept through the night in weeks; usually he stayed up reading or listening to music until he was too tired to do anything. But tonight was different. He kept finding himself zoned out, not listening to the music blasting in his ears or taking in the words on the page. Instead, his thoughts were focused on Gerard. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that tonight was a fluke, that Gerard’s recent behavior was just for the benefit of the crowd, he couldn’t convince himself of it. Maybe he just wanted it too badly, he decided, and was seeing things when they weren’t there. Still, Frank felt something was happening with Gerard that he couldn’t deny. Something good, he hoped.

~

The bus pulled into the hotel parking lot in Washington D.C. sometime around 7am. The guys dragged themselves out of bed, reluctantly pulled on clothes, and headed straight for their hotel room beds. But before they could make it all the way there, Brian interrupted them.

“Sorry, guys. Budget’s always tight at the end of the tour. We only have three rooms so we’re going to have to share.”

Various noises of protest greeted Brian’s news, but Frank didn’t make a peep. He was silently praying that he would be paired with Gerard.

“Because you all are being such babies,” Brian continued, “I’m picking your roommates for you.”

“Come on, that’s not fair!” Gerard said, and Frank wondered whether he was worried about possibly having to bunk down with Frank or not getting to. Frank hoped it was the latter.

“Suck it up. Mikey, I want you with me because you’re the least annoying of this lot. Ray…”

 _Please, please, please, for the love of God_ please _put Ray with Bob_.

“You’ll be with Bob.” Brian handed Ray a key as Frank silently let out a long stream of air. “Frank and Gerard, you’ll be at the end of the hall.”

“Thanks,” Frank said as he took his key from Brian. He chanced a glance at Gerard and saw that he hadn’t reacted to the news. _At least he’s not bitching about it, I guess,_ which Frank figured Gerard definitely would be doing if he was unhappy about the situation.

The two of them walked down the hall to their room and Frank unlocked the door to find a single king bed. Frank gulped. Usually when they had to share they at least got their own beds. Not this time. Frank couldn’t tell if he was happy or worried or terrified or something else altogether.

Frank picked the far side of the bed and put his stuff down, ready to just climb under the covers and pass out for a few more hours even though he was nervous as hell about sharing a bed with Gerard, not to mention the show later. Gerard seemed to have a similar idea, though, and soon they were asleep next to each other, far enough apart so that their bodies didn’t touch.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like half the length I usually shoot for. Sorry. But the next one is super long and exciting and that'll be coming soon!

The light shining in through the break in the curtains hit Frank’s eyes just so that he couldn’t stay asleep. He groaned as his dreams drifted away from him, dreams a of certain dark-haired singer and a large, hotel bed… He opened his eyes when he remembered that this was not just a dream, it was currently a reality. Frank tried to shift so that he could see Gerard, but quickly realized that he couldn’t move much. He glanced and saw that, during their slumber, Gerard had decided to become the big spoon and was currently snuggled up to Frank’s back, his arm wrapped around Frank’s waist.

Gerard was still sleeping peacefully, seemingly undisturbed by the light flooding into the room, and Frank decided he should try to let him keep sleeping. After a while of lying there, though, Frank got bored. Ridiculously bored. Maybe if he had been able to watch Gerard sleep he would have been able to lay there in silence, but he had nothing to distract him other than to worry about how Gerard would react to their current position when he finally woke up.

Slowly, painfully slowly, Frank tried to extract himself from Gerard’s hold on him. He carefully lifted Gerard’s arm from his waist and placed it behind him, and then tried to shift away so that Gerard’s head would fall from his shoulder. This did not go as planned.

Gerard groaned as Frank started to move away and Frank froze. Gerard slung his arm back across Frank’s hips and gripped him tighter. “Don’t leave,” he said softly.

Frank couldn’t tell if Gerard was actually awake or not, but he didn’t want to assume that this is how Gerard would act if he was full aware of his actions. Frank was contemplating waking Gerard up before he got himself deeper into this situation when his phone started vibrating on the bedside table. Gerard shifted beside Frank as he reached for the phone and flipped it open.

“Breakfast in 30 mins,” read the text from Brian.

Frank sighed. “Come on, Gee. We gotta get up.” He nudged the man curled up next to him, who groaned and made some unintelligible noises. Frank sighed again and rolled over in Gerard’s arms so they were facing each other. “Buddy, let’s go,” he said, but it was too soft. He wasn’t really committed to waking Gerard up. He wanted them to stay like this for as long as they could.

Frank stared at Gerard, his eyes still closed but his face somewhat scrunched up due to being dragged from his deep sleep. Tentatively, Frank reached a hand up between them and stroked Gerard’s cheek. He was greeted with a smile and a sigh from Gerard, and Frank returned it. He’d missed this. He’d missed it so damn much.

Gerard’s smile fell and his face contorted again. He looked frustrated. “I’m sorry, Frankie,” he said, still sleepily so that Frank couldn’t tell how awake he was.

“For what?” he asked softly.

“I just…” Gerard let out a slow breath, but he didn’t finish his sentence, and seemed to fall back into sleep.

“Gerard?” Frank got no response. “Gerard…” He hesitantly leaned in and placed a warm kiss to Gerard’s forehead.

Gerard inhaled sharply and opened his eyes a peek. “Frank?” he said, sounding more awake now.

“Hey.” Frank gave him a small smile. “We gotta get up. Breakfast.”

Gerard gripped Frank’s hip tighter. “We always seem to end up like this in the mornings, don’t we?”

Frank chuckled. “Yeah.” Neither of them moved. Frank exhaled slowly. “What are we doing, Gee? What’s going on with us?”

Gerard looked away. “We should get going.”

“Gerard, you can’t ignore me forever.” Frank was frustrated. If this was going nowhere, he just wanted to know. Most importantly, he wanted to know _why_.

Instead of answering, Gerard took his arm back and scooted away from Frank, refusing to make eye contact. Frank looked away, sad and embarrassed. He wasn’t going to be able to keep going like this for much longer. He suddenly remembered they were going to have to sleep together in this bed tonight and he hoped to God it wasn’t this awkward.

“I really _am_ sorry, Frank,” Gerard repeated, and again he didn’t elaborate.

Frank said nothing in return, instead opting to escape to the bathroom to get ready. He splashed water on his face in an attempt to start fresh, move through the rest of the day with a more optimistic outlook. He was worried about things taking a downhill turn with Gerard after they seemed to be getting better. He _really_ would not be able to do this for much longer. Something had to give.

Frank sighed at his reflection in the mirror. “You fucking idiot,” he told himself. “Who falls for their best friend? Idiots. Who tells someone you love them when you know they’re not ready? Idiots. And you’re the biggest idiot of all.”

When Frank left the bathroom a few minutes later, he found that Gerard had already vacated the room. Frank quickly pulled on clean clothes and headed for the lobby.

~

The guys spent the day seeing the sights of D.C., and for the most part they had a good time. Frank couldn’t get into it, though, because it became clear to him that Gerard was actively avoiding him now. It wasn’t just when it was convenient or natural for them to be apart, it was in everything Gerard did. He was guarded, untrusting, touchy, almost on the verge of panic it seemed throughout their entire time out in the city. Above all, Frank was worried about him. The guy wasn’t himself, and Frank longed to be there to comfort him, but he was worried Gerard wouldn’t let that happen.

Frank spent most of the day hanging out with Ray and Mikey, who both seemed to have noticed that something was up.

“What’s going on between you and Gee?” Ray had asked at one point.

Frank hadn’t had a conversation like this with Ray yet, and he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject or how much he should give away. It seemed okay for him to talk to Mikey about this stuff because Gerard did, too, though it sounded like he had been doing less of that lately. Still, Frank knew he wasn’t betraying Gerard’s trust when he talked to Mikey about them. But, as far as Frank knew, Ray was completely in the dark about them. After some deliberation, Frank decided Ray deserved to know at least some of what was going on. They were friends, and Frank appreciated Ray’s concern.

“I don’t know. Things were great, for a little while. And then something snapped. He said he needed space more than a _week_ ago. And I get that space ain’t exactly easy to find on a tour bus but still. I’m dying here.” Frank kicked a rock into the reflecting pool in front of the Washington Monument as an excuse not to meet Ray’s eye.

“I think maybe he doesn’t want space. Just thinks he does.” Ray said and Frank looked at him in confusion. “Mikey told me what happened with Gerard and that guy. Uhh… Kevin? How he was only doing it because he wanted you to show him how you felt. I think this is sort of like that. He doesn’t know it, I don’t think. Gee wouldn’t fuck with you like this on purpose. But he wants you to get in his face about it a little bit. Because otherwise it looks like you’re not willing to fight for your relationship.”

Frank swore that at that moment, if he had looked above his head, there would have been a bright, shining lightbulb up there. “Oh my God. _That’s_ what the problem is! Thanks, Ray,” Frank said, patting Ray on the shoulder. “You’ve really helped me out, man.” Frank walked away, wrapped up in his thoughts.

“What? Wait, Frank, what is it?” Ray called after him, but Frank wasn’t listening.

~

Frank was agitated. They were backstage, just about to go on, and, if he was being honest, Frank was kind of angry about it. He thought he finally may have worked out what was going on with him and Gerard, and he was itching to fix it. But they had this stupid show to do. _Fuck, I shouldn’t think like that,_ Frank chastised himself. He tried to pump himself up for the show, but his thoughts kept returning to Gerard and how he was going to approach the subject of their relationship. He had to be careful, but not _too_ careful, as Ray pointed out. He couldn’t let things keep going the way they were.

These thoughts preoccupied Frank during the entire show, and he realized it was probably pretty obvious. He wasn’t giving anywhere near the same energy that he usually did. So, he tried to tuck his thoughts away and get more into it. Becoming more engaged made Frank realize Gerard was not giving him the attention he had been getting the past few shows, and Frank decided to change that.

During You Know What They Do, Frank started getting in Gerard’s space; singing into his mic, leaning on him, even rubbing up on him a little. Gerard seemed annoyed, but he didn’t push Frank away or move. Frank thought Ray and Mikey might really have been right about what Gerard needed: someone who would force him to see what he really wanted. Someone who wouldn’t let their relationship stay in limbo.

Frank pressed a quick kiss to Gerard’s cheek before he ran across the stage to play with Ray, not glancing back to see the look on Gerard’s face.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. Penultimate chapter. Here we go!

By the end of the show, Frank was having a pretty damn good time. He was a little sad when they finally left the stage, but then he remembered that he was returning to a shared hotel room with Gerard, which struck him with an uncontainable anxious engery, and he hurried to catch up with the rest of the guys on their way back to the van.

Frank was really fucking nervous. He seemed to be feeling that way more often than not these days, and it showed in his constant twitching and leg bouncing. Bob actually asked if Frank was okay at one point during the ride to the hotel, which let Frank know he was really being obvious about his nerves because Bob never noticed that kind of stuff. Frank had shrugged it off and given some excuse about adrenaline from the show, but he tried to contain his jitters a little better after that.

He wished he knew how to handle the situation with Gerard. He wished he had any previous experience with the territory he and Gerard were entering, but he didn’t, which was both exciting and completely fucking terrifying. Frank was itching to get back to the hotel, but once it came into view he wanted nothing more than to curl up and die in the back seat. When it came down to it, Frank was willing to try anything that might let him and Gerard be together, but he was scared beyond belief of rejection. He didn’t think he could handle it.

As the van screeched to a halt, Frank let out a breath and closed his eyes, preparing himself for what was to come. They disembarked the van, Frank exiting last, and made their way up to their hotel rooms. As usual, Frank wasn’t anywhere near Gerard in their group, and Gerard reached their room before Frank did. Frank met him at the door, where Gerard was waiting, and looked at him inquisitively.

“You have the key,” Gerard reminded him sheepishly.

“Oh! Right, yeah.” Frank dug through his pockets until he found the battered hotel key and slid it into the lock. He pushed into the room and started fishing around his bag for clean clothes. Gerard followed him and busied himself by texting someone on his phone.

The awkwardness of the situation gave Frank a strong urge to postpone the conversation they needed to have for as long as possible. So, he grabbed a clean t-shit and pair of sweatpants and made off to the bathroom, throwing a “Gonna shower” over his shoulder at Gerard.

He closed the door behind him and started stripping off his sweaty show clothes, thankful to be doing it in the privacy of the bathroom rather than around the other guys. Once he had shed his clothes, Frank turned on the faucet and started to scrub the stage makeup off his face. _Gerard is always way better with this stuff_ , he thought as he got a look at his smudged eye makeup in the mirror. Frank narrowed his eyes at his reflection. _You fucking coward_. _You should have cornered him_ _and asked the hard questions as soon as you got in the room_. Frank dropped his eyes and sighed. _Too late now, I guess._ Frank figured Gerard would try to escape Frank’s prying by ignoring him or falling asleep before Frank left the bathroom. He’d missed his shot.

Frustrated, Frank spun around and turned the shower dial as hot as it would go and stepped under the scalding water. His skin turned bright pink and he longed to shy away from the too-hot water, but Frank forced himself to endure the pain. He deserved it. He was a fucking idiot who had ruined his chances with the only guy who’d ever really mattered to him.

After what he decided was a sufficient amount of time spent feeling sorry for himself, Frank turned down the water temperature and started washing the sweat and grime from his body. With eyes closed, Frank ran a soapy washcloth from head to toe. He thought about jerking off, even started to get hard at the thought, but decided against it as he would feel way too weird masturbating to the thought of someone who was right outside the door and who would probably never talk to him again.

While Frank was scrubbing shampoo through his hair, he heard the soft click of a door and figured Gerard had left the hotel room and that would be his way of avoiding Frank’s questions. Frank sighed and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back to rinse out the shampoo.

It wasn’t the front door he’d heard.

 A hand closed around Frank’s cock. “Holy shit!” he nearly yelled, his eyes snapping open. Frank looked down to see Gerard, naked, on his knees in front of Frank. Frank’s dick was still half-hard from earlier, and it was now being directed to Gerard’s mouth. “Oh _God_ ,” Frank said as Gerard’s mouth closed around him.

Gerard hummed and looked up to make eye contact with Frank, his hair growing wet and eye makeup beginning to run under the running water.

_I hope this is the last thing I see before I die_ , Frank thought. Gerard looked so damn good and his mouth felt fucking amazing. But Frank couldn’t relax. He kept thinking about Gerard saying he needed space and avoiding what was going on between them. He didn’t think he could stand it if Gerard made him come and then ignored him for the rest of his life.

Frank threaded a hand in Gerard’s long hair and gently pulled him back. “Why?” Frank said, breathless.

“Because I want to. Come on, lemme suck you off.” Gerard leaned in but Frank pulled his hair again.

“I can’t do this. Not if you’re not gonna talk to me. Not if we’re never gonna have anything real.” Frank stared into Gerard’s eyes and tried to find any readable emotion there other than the lust that looked to be receding.

Gerard sighed and dropped his gaze, but didn’t answer Frank. Frank let go of Gerard’s hair and sunk down so that he was sitting across from Gerard in the small shower, their knees touching. Droplets of water traveled down Gerard’s shoulders and arms until they slid off his long fingers from where they were now rested in his lap.

“I’m sorry for telling you I loved you before you were ready. It was stupid and I knew I shouldn’t have pushed things like that,” Frank said, trying to meet Gerard’s eye.

Gerard kept his eyes on the floor. “You don’t have to apologize. None of this is your fault.”

“It’s not?” Frank was genuinely confused. “I thought… I thought you were mad because I haven’t been fighting for us. I haven’t been acting like I want this.” _I really fucking want this._

Gerard looked at Frank then, his brow furrowed. “No. You’ve been putting way more into this than me. What gave you that idea?”

“With Bob! I was such an idiot.” Frank threw his hand in the air but quickly retracted it when he nearly smacked Gerard across the face on accident. “And then after we made out the first time. I didn’t try to comfort you. I just let you kick me out when you obviously needed help. And when you said you needed space, I got too distant when I should have been there for you. I let you get away.”

Gerard sighed again. He was silent for a minute, seemingly trying to put his thoughts into words. “I guess I did sort of want you, like, _rescue_ me or whatever”– _so Mikey_ was _right!_ , Frank thought –“But that’s not the main thing.” Gerard dropped his eyes from Frank’s.

_Shit_. Frank could spend the rest of his life getting to know Gerard and still find him a mystery. “What is it, Gee?”     

“I just… God. I don’t fucking deserve you, Frank.” Gerard looked up and Frank could see his eyes were brimming with tears. “I was gonna have sex with a guy I didn’t even like just to get back at you. I pushed you away when I should have been holding you closer and I made you feel like shit. On numerous occasions. That’s so messed up and I can’t live with myself because those are the kinds of things I do. That’s who I am.

“And, _fuck_! The first hotel night. You wanna know why I pretended to be asleep, Frank? Because I’ve wanted to be with you for a long time. _Years_. And I was so far gone in thinking you might want it too that I forgot I’m not good enough for you. So, I indulged myself. And I’m sorry, because it was weird and manipulative and kinda fuckin’ creepy but I couldn’t help myself because I thought I might finally get what I’d wanted for so damn long.

“From when we first got to know each other, I knew I was gonna fall hard for you. And I harbored a stupid crush for a ridiculously long time, hoping one day you’d notice and sweep me off my feet. I got this ache in my chest whenever I thought about you, the longing was _so_ damn strong, but I forced myself to set it aside. Until now. We’ve brought all these feelings to the surface and it scares me half to death that this is actually happening because I don’t deserve you, Frank. You deserve someone so, _so_ much better and I deserve to rot,” he finished, a few tears spilling over, mixing with the drops of water from the shower.

Frank’s mouth dropped open. “Gerard, are you kidding me?” Frank realized it might have been a little crass but he was having trouble forming eloquent thoughts at the moment. Gerard shook his head. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re sweet and caring and funny and sexy as all get out. And you _get_ me, better than anyone else ever has. I love you, Gee. I’m _in_ love with you. I’m so fucking ass over teakettle I can’t even believe it sometimes. I kick myself every time I think about how I didn’t see how wonderful and perfect you are sooner. I’m sorry you were waiting around for me while I was off fucking dudes I didn’t care about.

“So, you made some bad decisions because you didn’t know how to handle this shit and maybe we need to work on communicating, but I love you for _you_. Don’t worry about not being good enough for me. I feel like chopped liver in comparison.” Frank laughed.

Gerard returned the laugh and more tears poured out of his eyes. Frank hoped they were turning to happy tears by now. They were silent for a moment, and then Gerard said, “I want to do this, Frank. I want to have this.” He gestured between them.

“Me too. God, I want it so bad. It fucking kills me to think about living my life without you.” Frank let out a short, rough laugh. “I have no clue how I got to this point. But, _fuck_ , man. I couldn’t go on without you, I don’t think.”

Their eyes met and a they shared a smile. Frank reached for the washcloth and slowly wiped the rest of the smudged stage makeup from Gerard’s face. Gerard closed his eyes at the contact and breathed deeply until Frank was done, setting the towel down beside him.

They had been sitting in the shower so long that the water started to turn cold and Gerard reached behind Frank to turn it off. “Come on, let’s go to bed,” Gerard said. He stood up and stepped out of the shower, grabbing two towels from the rack. Frank followed and accepted the towel Gerard offered him.

Frank watched as Gerard slid the towel over his body. Gerard bent over and toweled off his left leg, ass in the air, and Frank couldn’t help but stare, frozen in place. This didn’t go unnoticed, and Gerard turned his head to catch Frank looking. A sly grin crept over Gerard’s face. Frank swallowed but couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Gerard slowly pulled himself up to his full height and dropped the towel on the floor. He advanced toward Frank, eyes dark and lustful. Before he knew it, Frank was pressed back against the bathroom wall, Gerard’s hands on his hips and towel forgotten somewhere on the floor. Frank rested his hands on Gerard’s sides but didn’t make any move to close the distance between them. He liked this, liked Gerard being in charge. Liked the fire he could see in Gerard’s eyes.

Gerard pressed his mouth to Frank’s ear. “I like it when you watch me. Gets me so fuckin’ hot, Frankie.” He stepped forward into Frank and pressed their hips together, letting out a low moan at the friction of their quickly hardening clocks sliding against each other. Frank bit his lip and dug his nails into Gerard’s sides. “ _Fuck_ yeah. I like it when you’re rough with me, sugar.”

Frank gripped Gerard a little harder and was rewarded with a soft whimper. “God, you’re so hot,” he said as he leaned forward and bit into the soft skin on Gerard’s shoulder, leaving an angry red bite mark.

Gerard started moving his hips more forcefully. “Want you to fuck me, Frankie. Fuck me hard. Right into the goddamn mattress.” His head dropped down into the crook of Frank’s neck and Frank could feel the sweat on his brow.

Frank moaned with Gerard’s quickened pace and slid his hands down to cup Gerard’s ass. “Love this pretty little ass. Love when you shake it for me on stage. Love watching you walk away in your tight fucking pants.”

“Fuck, Frank. Fucking fuck me already.” Gerard dragged Frank back from the wall and flung the door to the bathroom open. He walked backwards towards the bed, pulling Frank with him, and the two of them toppled down onto the soft mattress.

Frank latched his lips onto Gerard’s neck, sucking hard, earning him a moan. He slid a hand up into Gerard’s hair and pulled. Gerard moaned louder. “ _God_ , Gee,” Frank whispered against the other man’s shoulder.

“Frank– Frankie, I need, fuck, I fucking _need_ –” Gerard was scratching at Frank’s back and writhing under him.

Frank wanted to give Gerard what he wanted more than anything, but it was so fucking hot to see him squirm. He pulled back to look down at Gerard. “What do you need, babe?” he asked with mock innocence, managing to keep his voice mostly steady.

“ _Fuck_ you,” Gerard said with absolutely zero venom in his voice. “I need more. A whole fucking lot more, Frank.” Gerard begged Frank with his eyes, and that look sent a shockwave straight to Frank’s cock. Frank groaned and closed his eyes, grinding against Gerard’s hip. “Yes, oh my God, yeah, _fuck._ ” Gerard was beginning to babble with Frank’s thigh against his dick. The intensity of it all was pushing Frank to release far too fast, but he wasn’t going to be able to stop himself on his own. It felt too fucking good. “Frankie, please fuck me.” Gerard whimpered below him and that gave Frank the resolve he needed to pull away and push Gerard up the bed.

Frank reluctantly dragged himself off of Gerard to find Gerard’s bag and start fishing around for the condoms and lube he knew would be there, kicking himself for not packing his own. “The little pouch on the front,” Gerard called to him and Frank quickly found what he was looking for. Frank set the items on the bed beside Gerard and crawled back on top of him, ducking his head to kiss him for the first time that night.

The kiss was light and sweet; closed mouthed and without urgency. But after a few moments, the heat started to seep in, and Frank deepened the kiss. Gerard arched off the bed seeking friction and Frank lowered himself on top of Gerard in agreement.

Kissing Gerard was unreal. Every sweep of Gerard’s tongue against his was like discovering a new emotion. It unlocked things in Frank he didn’t know were there. He felt like by learning Gerard’s body he was learning himself, beginning to understand why he felt certain things and wanted others. Above all, he knew he wanted Gerard by his side no matter what. And he wanted to be able to kiss him like this whenever the urge struck him.

Frank pulled back after a few minutes. “How am I supposed to fuck you when you kiss me like _that_?” He smiled, toothy and relaxed, drunk on the feelings of arousal and being so fucking deep in love. “Six feet under, that’s where you got me, you know. So fucking deep I can’t see the damn sky when I’m with you, Gee. There’s just you.”

“Maybe you should be the lyricist,” Gerard joked and pressed a quick kiss to Frank’s nose. “You’re certainly poetic enough.”

“Hell yeah I am. I could write epics about your ass. You sweet little ass… God, I wanna fuck you all night.”

“We haven’t even started, you dipshit!” Gerard pushed Frank back, urging him on.

“Right.” Frank reached for the lube, opening the bottle and slather some onto his fingers. As he did so, Gerard shifted so he was on his stomach, knees bent and face pressed into the pillow, that beautiful ass presented to Frank. “Jesus Christ,” Frank whispered. He placed his clean hand on Gerard’s lower back, trying to get him to relax, but Gerard was having none of that.

“Come on, come on, come _on!_ ” He pushed his hips backwards to meet the finger poised at his entrance.

“Okay, Christ. Calm down, eager beaver.” Frank slowly slid one finger in until it was buried to the knuckle in Gerard’s ass. _Fuck, he’s so goddamn tight_. Frank was dying for some friction. This shit was too hot for him to deal with without taking some of the edge off. He settled in between Gerard’s thighs on his knees and pressed forward so his cock brushed against the inside of Gerard’s leg. The two of them groaned together as Frank pushed a second finger into Gerard and slowly rubbed himself against Gerard’s thigh at the same time.

When the second finger was all the way in, Frank began to move them inside Gerard, scissoring and experimenting with different angles until Gerard took in a sharp breath and turned his head to look at Frank over his shoulder, his eyes blown wide. Frank thrust his fingers forward again on the same spot and Gerard let out a high pitched moan. Frank was thankful they weren’t rooming near any of the other guys as he was pretty sure their neighbors could hear what they were doing. _I hope they’re fucking jealous_ , he thought as he began to push a third finger into Gerard.

Gerard was rocking back on Frank’s fingers now, encouraging the third one and egging Frank on. “Fuck, Frank. _Fuck!_ So Fuckin’ good, baby. Want you to fuck me real hard.” He let out another obscene sound when Frank’s third finger joined the others and pressed against his prostate. Frank continued fucking Gerard with his fingers until Gerard began to whine and beg for more. “Frank, _please_. More, Frank. I need your cock. Please, I want it so fuckin’ bad.”

Frank leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Gerard’s shoulder. “Of course, baby.” He pulled his fingers carefully out of Gerard and opened a condom wrapper. He slid it on and applied some lube, staring at Gerard’s ass which was still presented to him. _God, I could get real used to this view_. He moved forward and pressed the head of his cock to Gerard’s hole. “Ready?”

“Frank! How many times to I have to say it? _Fuck! Me!_ ” Gerard yelled.

Frank laughed. “All right, all right already.” He pushed into Gerard easily and they shared another moan as he bottomed out. Now it was Frank’s turn to babble as he found he couldn’t keep his mouth shut when he was buried deep in Gerard’s tight ass. “Fucking Jesus _Christ_ you’re tight. God, your ass is pretty. Bet it fuckin’ tastes good too, huh? God, I wanna rim you someday. Someday fuckin’ _soon_.” Frank made a few slow thrusts in and out of Gerard until Gerard was pushing back to meet him on each one, encouraging a faster pace.

“Shit! Frank, fuck. Oh my God, oh my _God,_ Frankie.” Gerard’s voice was muffled as his face was pressed deep into the pillow again.

“Your face is fuckin’ pretty too. So gorgeous. I wanna see your face when you come.” Frank hadn’t realized it until he said it, but he really, _really_ did want to see that. He slowed and pulled out of Gerard, placing his hands on Gerard’s hips and flipping him onto his back. Gerard stared up at him with wide eyes. Frank leaned in and kissed Gerard slow, sliding back in as their tongues mingled.

“I never –ahh– I never d–do this,” Gerard choked out as they broke apart and Frank picked up a fast rhythm.

“What? Fuck guys who treat you right?” _Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that_. He’d meant it to be light, conversational even, but it came out angry and resentful.

“Fuck you,” Gerard said, but he didn’t seem too miffed, didn’t stop clinging to Frank like he was the only thing keeping him on earth. “I n–never fuck in missionary.”

“You’re missing out,” Frank said. He leaned in and bit down on Gerard’s shoulder, covering the mark that he had left there earlier.

“I never like to s–see the dude’s – _fuck_ – the dude’s face.”

Frank pulled back to look at Gerard, never slowing his pace. Sweat dripped from his brow onto Gerard’s chest and he watched it mingle with Gerard’s sweat that was already pooling there. “Why?” he asked, meeting Gerard’s eyes again.

“Because then I could pretend he was you.”

Frank’s eyes went wide and his body stilled. “I– wow, Gee.”

“You better start fucking me again right about now,” Gerard said.

Frank let out a short laugh and resumed his previous pace. He felt bad that Gerard had been pining after him for so long and he hadn’t noticed, but it was also kind of ridiculously hot that Gerard had thought about Frank while he was having sex with other guys. It was a major ego boost and it gave him some new energy. He fucked Gerard harder than before, and was reward with countless moans and utterances of his name that spilled from Gerard’s perfect lips. Frank was starting to lose it, starting to not be able to tell where his thoughts ended and his babble began.

Gerard reached back with one hand and gripped the headboard, the other wrapped around Frank’s shoulders, hanging on for dear life as Frank fucked him. “Fuck, Frankie. You’re so fuckin’ good to me, baby.”

“’S how it should be,” Frank said with labored breaths. “Wanna treat you the best – _shit –_ wanna fuck you till you can’t see straight.”

Gerard smiled. “Oh, honey, I haven’t seen straight since I – ahh – since I met you.”

Their moans both started to crescendo quickly after that and Frank reached a hand between them to jerk Gerard in time with his thrusts. Frank watched Gerard’s eyes roll back and his lids close as he came and Frank couldn’t imagine anywhere else he’d rather be. Frank wanted to spend eternity like this, buried deep in Gerard and watching his face as he rode out his orgasm.

Frank’s own release came soon after, and he swore he came harder than he ever had before. It hit him like a truck and wracked his body for what felt like hours. Finally, he collapsed onto Gerard’s chest. Gerard removed his arm from Frank’s shoulders and started lightly running his fingers from the base of Frank’s spine all the way up to his neck. How long they stayed like that, neither of them could say.

Frank went soft inside Gerard and after a while he reluctantly pulled out. He got up, threw away the condom, and when he turned around he was hit by an intense moment of déjà vu. Just like the last time they had done this, Gerard was looking at Frank, and his face did not give away any emotion Frank could parse out. Frank stared back, too scared of what Gerard was about to stay to move.

Gerard slowly exhaled and his face softened. “I love you, Frank. I really fucking love you.” His voice was steady and sure. It wasn’t an apology. It wasn’t even a confession. It was a fact, and Frank was so fucking thankful for it.

“Jesus Christ, Gee. You almost gave me a heart attack.” Frank laughed and settled back in beside Gerard. They snuggled up together and Frank wrapped his arms around the other man. He pressed a kiss to the top of Gerard’s head before whispering, “I love you, too. So fucking much.”

Gerard gave Frank a long, deep look before closing his eyes and settling into the crook of Frank’s shoulder. Frank decided he’d changed his mind. If he was going to die, he hoped this was the last thing he’d see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Frank is kind of an idiot for not figuring out what was bothering Gerard sooner. Like, I know I wrote him this way but still.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Thank you so much for going on this journey with me, it's been one hell of a ride. Also, sorry for referring to the the end of mcr in here lol.
> 
> I didn't use the ending I had planned for this, though I'm satisfied with the one I have, but that made me decide I definitely will be writing a short epilogue to this as a separate work. Probably not for a few weeks as I want to give this story time to sit with me and then reread the whole thing (and fix typos) before I write an epilogue. But be on the look out for that!
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for your support. I will be writing other fics as well (I already have a few planned!), so if you liked this one and want more, it would mean the world to me if you read those as well when they get published. Feel free to offer me suggestions on what to write, etc.
> 
> Enjoy!

Frank awoke to lips on his neck and arms around his waist. He sighed and slowly opened his eyes to see Gerard in a similar state of sleepiness, lids barely peeking open. “Good morning,” he said softly. Gerard smiled. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a fuckin’ baby.” Gerard stretched, his arms growing taught around Frank, and pressed his lips firmly onto Frank’s neck.

“Mmm,” Frank moaned. He could really get used to waking up like this. Gerard opened his mouth and started gently sucking on Frank’s skin. Frank took in a sharp breath and felt a wave of arousal flow through him. Gerard shifted and brushed his hardening length up against Frank’s thigh as he started to run his hand along Frank’s naked chest.

Frank groped for Gerard’s hips, sliding the other man onto his lap when he had a good hold. Gerard slid his lips up to Frank’s mouth as he rocked back and forth with his hips. The perfect slide of their cocks together was almost more than Frank could take this early in the morning, and he decided they needed to slow down. Or, at least, he needed to. Frank gripped Gerard’s hips firmly and flipped them over so Gerard was on his back below Frank. He began kissing down Gerard’s neck and chest, leaving small marks as he went and drawing moan after moan from Gerard. Frank bit one of Gerard’s hip bones before licking a stripe up Gerard’s inner thigh.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Gerard said, breathing heavily and staring intently down at Frank.

Frank smiled and wrapped a hand loosely around Gerard’s cock. “I felt like I should make good on what I said last night,” he said before licking once, teasingly, over Gerard’s hole.

“ _Shit_ , Frank!” Gerard exclaimed, his hips bucking at the sensation.

Frank chuckled. “That feel good?”

“Yes– Jesus Christ, _please_.”

Frank’s hand still held on to Gerard’s now rock-hard dick, and he stroked it slowly as he leaned in again, lightly tonguing over Gerard’s hole. The sounds he was pulling from the man’s lips turned Frank on to no end, and he wondered why he hadn’t thought to try this earlier.

After a long time spent teasing Gerard, Frank finally let his tongue push slightly inside, and Gerard _yelped_ at the feeling.

“Oh my fucking _God_ ,” he said, slamming his eyes shut and fisting one hand into Frank’s hair.

Frank began to move his tongue faster, letting out moans as he watched Gerard writhe above him. He kept his hand moving slow, not letting Gerard get too close too quick.

He kept Gerard on the edge like that for an incredibly long time, until Gerard said, “Please. Oh my God _please!_ I need –ahh– I need more, Frankie.”

Frank continued going at it with his tongue, driving into Gerard hard and deep. He started to move his hand faster, swiping over the head with his thumb on each stroke. He could tell Gerard was quickly heading towards his release and as Gerard arched off the bed, Frank moved with him and they moaned together as Gerard came hard in Frank’s hand.

“Holy fucking shit, Frank,” Gerard said after finally coming down and relaxing into the bed again.

Frank moved up to lay beside Gerard, stroking himself slowly. Watching Gerard come with Frank’s tongue in his ass had _done_ things to Frank. He’d never be able to get that image out of his head and he was damn thankful for that.

Gerard rolled over to face Frank. He flashed Frank a completely blissed-out smile and reached down to cover Frank’s hand with his own on Frank’s cock. Frank moved his hand away and let Gerard work him, his head falling back.

“You were so fuckin’ hot like that,” he told Gerard. “God, I wanna do that to you all the time.”

“I sure wouldn’t object to it,” Gerard slurred as he moved his hand faster, gripping Frank with just the right amount of pressure.

Frank grabbed onto Gerard’s shoulder, squeezing it hard and pressing his eyes closed. “Fuck, Gee. _Fuck_ you’re so amazing. Can’t believe you’re mine.”

Gerard leaned in and kissed Frank’s neck. “Me neither,” he whispered.

Frank came hard with Gerard’s breath on his neck and soon lay back against the mattress, spent.

The two of them stayed there for another hour or so, wrapped up in each other’s arms, until Brian called and told them it was time to leave for lunch. Before they left the room together, Frank pushed Gerard up against the wall beside the door and kissed him, hard.

“I love you,” Frank said with more resolve than he’d ever declared anything.

Gerard just smiled. “I love you, too.”

~

They hadn’t talked about it, but Frank and Gerard both decided to stop hiding. And it was fucking amazing. They sat together on the van rides and at restaurants and even fucking held hands at one point. They were careful to only do it around people they trusted, making sure no photographers were nearby, but they were doing this. Really, truly doing this. Frank was over the goddamn moon.

As the show drew closer, Frank became even more nervous than he usually was. Hometown shows were great; all your friends and family got to come. But that was exactly the problem. When your friends and family are there, there’s so much more pressure, and Frank was especially feeling that now what with possibly having to explain his relationship with Gerard to those audience members soon. Hopefully not as soon as tonight, but soon enough.

Frank paced the dressing room floor, now empty except for him. They had fifteen minutes until show time and he couldn’t tell if he wanted more time to agonize over the show or if he would rather be walking out on stage right at this moment, the wait over. Mostly, he just wished the show was already done with. The other guys didn’t seem bothered at all. They were all happy about being able to see their loved ones after the show and were much more ecstatic about getting to perform for them than Frank was. Gerard and Mikey especially were happy to be seeing their parents after such a long and hard summer away from home. The two of them had been buzzing about animatedly backstage for the past two hours, and Frank was just about sick of their happiness. He was miserable and he wanted to bring everyone else down to his level.

“Hey,” a voice said behind Frank and he whirled around to see Gerard just stepping through the dressing room door. “Are you okay?”

Frank’s bitterness instantly melted away when he saw the concern in Gerard’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, just nervous is all.” He took in a breath. “Really fucking nervous.”

“I know how hometown shows always get you like this. I’m sorry.”

Frank gave Gerard a small, grateful smile. He loved the way Gerard knew him, loved the way he could always count on Gerard to know when he needed something to pick his spirits up.

“Want me to try to help you relax?” Gerard asked and Frank’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure what Gerard was offering, but if it was anything in the vein of what he was thinking then he was most certainly down. “I– I mean, only if you want.” Gerard looked away sheepishly.

“No! I, uhh, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” He tried to flash Gerard a sly grin but it probably only came out as a nervous smirk.

“Okay. Um. Sit down.”

Frank obeyed, sitting at one of the makeup chairs in front of the mirror. Gerard advanced towards him, spinning the chair so Frank was facing the mirror. His hands ghosted over Frank’s shoulders before settling in between his shoulder blades, gently massaging the tense skin and muscle. Frank closed his eyes and relaxed into the contact, breathing deeply and allowing himself to simply _let go_. Gerard’s fingers began to dig in with a little more purpose and Frank groaned involuntarily at the sensation. He could feel the tension practically _melting_ off his body. Suddenly, there were lips on his neck. Frank immediately tilted his head to allow Gerard better access and groaned again, low and deep. Gerard’s deft fingers moved over Frank’s shoulders and down his chest, his mouth still sucking on Frank’s neck, and finally came to a stop just above the waistband of his jeans. Frank couldn’t believe how quickly he’d gotten hard, but now here he was, with his boner pressing painfully into the zipper of his jeans and Gerard’s fingers and mouth working wonders on his body.

Gerard pulled back a little and whispered in Frank’s ear, “Open your eyes.”

Frank obeyed. He watched with eyes the size of saucers as Gerard moved his mouth as low as he could get it on Frank’s neck, which wasn’t too far with his collared shirt. Gerard’s eyes met his in the mirror and Frank took in a sharp breath at just how dark and lustful they were. He gripped the sides of the seat with both hands and tried to keep it together as Gerard’s fingers made slow circles over the skin on his belly.

Mirror sex, Frank decided, would be _incredibly_ fucking hot.

Frank never got to test out his theory as he and Gerard heard voices approach the dressing room door and they quickly detached themselves from each other. Gerard sat down in the chair next to Frank and Frank tried his best to hide his incredibly strong hard-on as Mikey and Ray entered the room, talking animatedly, Bob following soon after them.

The three sat down on the couches across from Frank and Gerard and continued to talk as if their other bandmates weren’t even in the room. Frank would feel a little offended on most occasions, but at the moment he was thankful no one seemed to suspect what had been going on just a few moments before. Gerard and Frank traded embarrassed glances, both happy to fly under the radar, and Frank exhaled as his erection started to relax.

A few minutes later, Brian poked his head into the room. “Hey, we gotta go, guys. Show time!”

A cheer rang out from the five of them as they celebrated the last show of their tour. They walked down a long hallway towards the stage, receiving various instruments and high fives as they went. As they drew closer, Frank began to hear the chanting of the crowd. Hometown shows were huge for them. Their insanely strong fanbase had formed in Jersey and it would stay in Jersey until My Chem was done.

Though he was excited, the roar of the crowd made Frank’s heart sink. He was overjoyed to be off the bus and able to actually go _home_ to his own bed tonight, but he was already starting to miss the guys and the giddiness that came with touring even though it hadn’t ended yet. They were all addicted to the road and the nightly shows that slowly shaved years off their life. Frank especially never felt at home unless he was with his band, moving from one unfamiliar town to the next. He silently cursed himself for not appreciating this tour more, even though he knew it had really sucked as compared to every other tour they’d ever done. It was still a tour. It was still his life, the life he’d chosen. The life he wanted to live.

Mostly, he was going to miss Gerard. He was still worried that, even after their mutual agreement to do this, to be together, that they wouldn’t see each other once the show was over. He certainly wouldn’t miss the hurried kisses and carrying on behind everyone’s backs – or, well, maybe he would. Maybe he would miss the excitement of it. Fuck, he was going to miss this tour. The tour on which he fell so fucking deep in love he didn’t know what to do with himself. He couldn’t let it end without being sure things with Gerard were going to stay the same, that the man who could make any hotel room or tour bus feel like home would still be there when the lights came up.

Frank turned around to look at Gerard, who stood at the back, planning to enter last. Gerard smiled at him, but Frank didn’t return it. Instead, he stepped forward into the singer’s space and let their lips hang for a moment, about an inch apart, before closing the distance and pressing them together. His eyes slid closed as he kissed Gerard soft and sweet, for once not giving a single fuck what anyone else thought of them. Gerard sighed and Frank eventually pulled back. Neither of them said anything, but what passed between them didn’t need to be communicated with words.

Frank heard a booming voice announce their band, and he gave one last look at Gerard before they stepped out of the shadows and onto the stage, together.


End file.
